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About Me  jiaqian → fangirl. insane. beware. → am a little twisted, and a lot disturbing, but once you look past the insaneness, i'm quite interesting. → this is a mostly a place for me to wax horrible poetry and post cryptic rants that no one will understand but of late it has evolved into yet another angsty diary. but the last time i checked, that's what blogs are for. →also, lots of typos since i'm normally high (on life, not crack!), tipsy or depressed when i write my posts. seriously. → profanity galore. honest raw emotions. are you squirmy when it comes to emotions? → slightly unhinged. dancing on the edge yet in control. perfection is overrated. The likes ♥
kpop. k-indie. k-hiphop. uljjangs. k-models. the boy in header: model kang cheolwoong Links
my fic journalflavors Friends
Amanda/Pei Yun Chy Yun Debbie Euwing Gabby Jia Ying Jinzhi Muayyad Nadiah PhuiYee, Yeevon Samantha Seayunn Siauthung Yiwen YiLin Yishuen The others
Credits Layout design by Eefennie. edited by mua. | Friday, April 29, 2011 so you might have noticed that i haven't been writing much fiction lately, be it in the "wordspit" sections of my blog, or fanfiction. it's because everything i write hits too close to home, and i don't want my fiction to become non-fiction. i've been experiencing a lot of strong feelings lately, and when i write, these feelings creep into my writing, until i feel like i'm not writing a scenario but writing a diary. which is why most of the blogposts since the beginning of the year has been so personal. i used to avoid talking about my life online; keep my identity private and all that. but i'm so confused lately that i need an outlet to voice out my thoughts, and yes, an extremely public blog happens to be the medium of my choice. i've always liked to keep everything clear and separate. one of the reasons why i brush off being a journalist (despite everyone encouraging me to be one) is that i want to separate pleasure and work. i love writing. it's my form of meditation. it calms me down and gives me a satisfaction nothing else can. if i do it as a job, well... it becomes work. i'm afraid that i'll lose the only thing that i enjoy doing. so yes, this is a filler post. because i wrote another personal post that become TOO personal and i deleted it all. ho hum. i will go wallow in misery again. epik till the death of me; 9:45 PM Thursday, April 21, 2011 so i've been looking at the before and afters of korean celebrities. while some are undeniably different, sometimes it's unfair to accuse some girls of doing plastic surgery. sometimes it's just a little combination of puberty + baby fat + bad camera angles, and when that passes, she can look completely different. when i was just entering teenagedom, i despised cameras. every picture i took was unflattering. so i made a little... timeline, showing some unfortunate pictures of my past. it proves how a hairstyle, or a little extra weight can change how a person look. click to enlarge. 
seriously, can you believe that this:
and this, is the same person? haha.  epik till the death of me; 9:09 PM
► i'm hungry. so this is a list of what you should feed me. dokbokki lasagna iced mocha canned peaches fudge butter prawns oreo milkshake tacos dark chocolate coated marshmallows french fries macaroons chicken mcnuggets instant noodles :D pizza with extra cheese caramelized apples soft shell crabs takoyaki mud cake peanut butter and chocolate chip cookies gummi bears bibimbap mac n cheese fried chicken really gooey brownies as you can see, i have a thing for chocolate and cheese. but not together, of course :D yum :3 epik till the death of me; 5:06 PM Friday, April 08, 2011 hello. please stop fucking with my heart. so i've never dated. ho hum. i've told the world. the world doesn't believe me. common response: "why? you're lying right?" why, yes, i have nothing better to do than to fabricate a non-existent love life. (...is that even possible?) but i've talked about that before. and that's not what i want to rant about today. what is currently killing me is this: mixed signals. okay so i send my own host of mixed signals. but that's only because i was interested and i gave you the bait, made it obvious to you that i would like this to go somewhere. i wouldn't have given my number to you if i didn't like you. i wouldn't have asked about your love life, or given you that one lingering smile, or walked all the way to the other side of the building just to talk to you. but you never responded after that first question, and i have a lot of pride. i felt like a fool just throwing myself out there. so i pulled back. either that, or i found something about you that seriously turned me off. you know, chain smoker, closet pervert, serial killer... but i digress. anyway, i wish i could tell the difference between friendly banter and this-is-going-to-lead-somewhere flirting. i hate thinking something and then the result being something completely different. i can't even count the number of times when a guy talks to me, and i find him interesting, and he's the sweetest thing with the compliments and the "accidental" brushes. i spend hours upon hours just talking to him, and then bam, CUE THE ENTRANCE OF THE GIRLFRIEND. every time that happens i don't feel jealous or sad, i feel PISSED. don't fucking lead me on if you already have a young slinky thing draped over you. you tell me that you miss me and that you want to see me everyday, but apparently you're very open about the term "relationship", and oh my, your girlfriend is a very patient person.it confuses me when we spend all this time talking and then you suddenly pull the stops on our friendship. it hurts when i pile all my hope and expectations into one text message or one facebook comment, and you ignore me. or push off replying until maybe an entire day later. bitch, i am stalker extraordinaire, okay. i see you replying to that other girl that's not me on facebook. i see you playing cs in the library. i see you spazzing about the latest episode of how i met your mother on twitter. you're not busy. you're not preoccupied with assignments. you just don't want to talk to me anymore. so guys. please. don't lead me on when you know i like you, and you don't return those feelings. i'm sick of seeing all these possibilities slip away, and then regretting that i let them go. it's a whole whirlwind of emotions- anger, regret, indignation, relief, loneliness. i do not like questioning my decisions. i do not like second guessing everything. i do not like being torn between my mind and my heart. stop it. and you ask me why i've never dated? ps. no, this is not meant for ONE guy. epik till the death of me; 12:23 AM Sunday, April 03, 2011 PREVIOUS CRAPPY BLOGNAME → unravellingsanity this is a moment in history! i changed my blog name after 5 years! this is epic! also at 1am fml let hong jonghyun fill the spot while i search for better pictures. epik till the death of me; 1:06 AM
► changing my blog name soon :| ... never name anything when you're 13. suggestions? ;D wanted runawaytrain or cocoonedsoul but both was taken :( epik till the death of me; 12:12 AM |