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About Me  jiaqian → fangirl. insane. beware. → am a little twisted, and a lot disturbing, but once you look past the insaneness, i'm quite interesting. → this is a mostly a place for me to wax horrible poetry and post cryptic rants that no one will understand but of late it has evolved into yet another angsty diary. but the last time i checked, that's what blogs are for. →also, lots of typos since i'm normally high (on life, not crack!), tipsy or depressed when i write my posts. seriously. → profanity galore. honest raw emotions. are you squirmy when it comes to emotions? → slightly unhinged. dancing on the edge yet in control. perfection is overrated. The likes ♥
kpop. k-indie. k-hiphop. uljjangs. k-models. the boy in header: model kang cheolwoong Links
my fic journalflavors Friends
Amanda/Pei Yun Chy Yun Debbie Euwing Gabby Jia Ying Jinzhi Muayyad Nadiah PhuiYee, Yeevon Samantha Seayunn Siauthung Yiwen YiLin Yishuen The others
Credits Layout design by Eefennie. edited by mua. | Tuesday, November 22, 2011 
gained a bit of weight since the holidays begun, and i'm trying to shake it off, hopefully in time for graduation. the two pictures up there are my target... but ugh eating is really fun lol. and when i gain weight, it only shows up in my face OTL
... wow i look different in the two pictures.
anyway, i've been working lately, so meal times are erratic. i'm hoping that it'll curb my urge to constantly eat. that way my jeans can fit again ._. i don't want to get a new wardrobe AGAIN. i've already given away all the clothes that i couldn't wear after i dropped two jean sizes.
and no, when i look in the mirror i don't think i'm a fat ass. i just want to fit into my jeans again. i'm not that delusional to think that i'm overweight. in fact technically i'm underweight- i've a bmi of 17, but we all know bmi isn't exactly the most accurate indicator. my body is just built weirdly. i have wide shoulders, boobs and hips, but a tiny waist and almost no booty. makes shopping for clothes a hassle, really.
but okay, a tiny part of me admits that i'm trying to lose weight irrationally. i do hear that i'm skinny often, but there are also a few offhanded comments from the male specimen that still stick with me. see boys, this is why you should never comment on a girl's weight.epik till the death of me; 1:13 AM Wednesday, November 16, 2011 his hair is behaving today. usually it flies all over the place, but today the curls have tamed themselves and settled nicely. his hair looks good, and his face is smooth -no zits today!-, but there's something off about the reflection in the mirror. the bloodshoot eyes rimmed with unshed tears are a stark contrast to his pale skin. once, he had often heard that he was good looking. compliments have been rare lately, ever since that happened- "jun, i'm going out for lunch." his sister, aki, appears beside him in the mirror, fastening her earring onto her ear. jun gathers her long black hair into a ponytail and sweeps it behind her, allowing her to get a better view. "do you want to follow? i've a colleage coming along, and she's from the respected Higa family-" jun gently pushes aki towards the door. "goodbye, aki." he picks up her boots that were lying in a messy pile on the floor and hands them to her. aki's face hardens. "you're going to see him again, aren't you? that disgusting little rat." jun sighs and leans against the shoe rack, preparing himself for a spiel on his sister's part. "how could you see him again, after he did that to father?" "he was young," he offers half heartedly, knowing that she wouldn't accept any excuse made up on the young boy's behalf. it was only a natural response. after all, the boy killed their father. "he's not a child. he was 17. he should know what's wrong and what's right." "i'm going," jun said firmly, "and that's that." aki swirls around and stares him down. "you know i'll never forgive him." jun matches her gaze and opens the door. she steps out in a huff and slams the door behind her. letting out another sigh, he makes preparations to leave for the prison. _____ night after night he wakes up, drenched with sweat. it's the same dream always. the boy is crouched in the corner, his clothes a mess. the knife lies a distance away, stained red. the metallic smell of blood hangs heavy in the air, the smell of fear even more. the half-opened door lets in a slit of light that falls on the boy's face. his eyes are wild, but they mirror more of a trapped prey than a fixated predator. there's a splatter of blood run across his face and jun notices the slightest tremble in the boy's body. and then so softly that he can barely hear, the boy says in a cracked whisper, "i'm sorry." br 21-year old jun had just stumbled onto his murdered father and the killer, but he knew without a silver of doubt who the real victim was. ________ note: something i wrote in a whim. unpolished and unfinished, but i have a storyline planned out... and naturally it's heading for BL. Labels: wordspit. epik till the death of me; 10:10 PM Saturday, November 05, 2011 1. finals were over last friday. since then, my house has been flooded with relatives, so the fact that i've no more class for 5 months hasn't really sunk in. oh god i'm going to be a fat piece of blubber when class starts. 2. me thinks that there aren't enough nc-17 nezushi fanfics/fanart around. i mean, COME ON! even utapri had more stuff D: it's been a while since i indulged the fujoshi in me. no. 6 fans, buck up! 3. on the same note as above, sekaiichi hatsukoi. sobs new guilty pleasure heeeey. there isn't as many smexy scenes as junjou romantica. ... actually, try none at all. it's so pg i sob, especially since the manga is like- the manga- oh god. the characters are definitely not as likable though. chiaki makes me want to kick him in the balls because he's an annoyingly dense little fuck who ends up becoming almost cruel to yuu due to his obliviousness. it's a good thing tori is hot, or i wouldn't even entertain this pairing. kisa doesn't get enough screentime, and when he does get an episode, he spends 80% of it whining his insecurities. his and yukina's "love" just isn't believable. and lol main pairing, wae you so tsundere. 4. tablo can't drive. good to know. i've been talking about tablo a lot. obsessed? maybe. i think of it as salvation. his song calms me. it feels right. i can't stop listening to his album. the beat of Dear TV really appeals to me. i've never quite noticed it before -odd, really, considering how crazy i am over him- tablo's voice is mechanic. not as mechanic as bumkey's, but i like it. it's comfortable. and now, MAMA 2011 well i'm going. i'm skipping the 2pm hands up concert and that mnet thing featuring superjunior, miss a, b1a4 and f(x). it's weird. i've been waiting for a 2pm concert since the beginning. the beginning. that seems like forever ago. and now they're coming, and i'm not going. times can change and feelings can change, i guess. i'm still a fan, i suppose. i love krystal to bits. miss a is one of the better groups and b1a4 is adorable. AND I'M SKIPPING IT? hm. i think it's worth it, skipping all these bands to go to MAMA. if we listen to the rumours, the guest list is amazing. epik till the death of me; 6:03 PM |