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About Me  jiaqian → fangirl. insane. beware. → am a little twisted, and a lot disturbing, but once you look past the insaneness, i'm quite interesting. → this is a mostly a place for me to wax horrible poetry and post cryptic rants that no one will understand but of late it has evolved into yet another angsty diary. but the last time i checked, that's what blogs are for. →also, lots of typos since i'm normally high (on life, not crack!), tipsy or depressed when i write my posts. seriously. → profanity galore. honest raw emotions. are you squirmy when it comes to emotions? → slightly unhinged. dancing on the edge yet in control. perfection is overrated. The likes ♥
kpop. k-indie. k-hiphop. uljjangs. k-models. the boy in header: model kang cheolwoong Links
my fic journalflavors Friends
Amanda/Pei Yun Chy Yun Debbie Euwing Gabby Jia Ying Jinzhi Muayyad Nadiah PhuiYee, Yeevon Samantha Seayunn Siauthung Yiwen YiLin Yishuen The others
Credits Layout design by Eefennie. edited by mua. | Wednesday, March 31, 2010 yoongjin of casker just followed me on twitter! she probably mixed me up with some other fellow indie musician and will unfollow me soon but humour me while it lasts, alright? she only follows 11 people, including me.  /SQUEALS/ i finally started watching oh my lady with shiwon and all of his diva-ish glory. so he's fucking hot and that smile melts me, but who cares? it starts off with shiwon running to 4men playing in the background. IT'S 4MEN, GUYS. okay, i'm a terrible superjunior fan :| if it makes it better, shiwon is one of my least favourite members. not too fond of chaerim either (but she lost weight!). still, the drama seems really promising. then again i'll watch any drama that has shirtless shiwon and 4men as a soundtrack :D epik till the death of me; 11:15 AM Sunday, March 28, 2010 but bear with me, cause you know you love me. i have a few questions on the same matter that i really want answers to. because i don't get it? 1. why does everyone view me as a high maintanence girl? because i'm not. really. i don't want expensive gifts, i don't need your sweet talking, i don't even want to go on dates every other day. i just need him to give me a hug every once in a while and i'm cool. which brings us to this. 2. why does everyone assume i have a boyfriend? i don't even talk to the opposite sex much. yes, i realise that my social skills in that direction need some work. boys normally get this uncertain look when they talk to me, like they're not sure what the fuck i'm talking about. which is probably true. and leads to this. 3. why does everyone assume i have lots of boys surrounding me? that when i go out, it's always with a guy? okay, let's count the number a times i've been out alone with a guy. let's see... it accounts to... none. so geez, don't assume i'm whoring myself out or something. i'm more likely to end up an old spinster than you. not a question, but a statement i wanted to clarify. 4. i do not have high standards, people. pretty much everyone around me tells me that the boys i find cute are... not. an ability to speak english moderately well does not mean i am stuck up, and it definately does not mean i only want rich pretty boyfriends. so stop telling me that you're waiting to see my other half because he'll be hot because it just annoys me. and- you know what, i'll stop. because i have to get up at 6.30am tomorrow. so i'll stop. for now. IGNORE THIS POST, EVERYONE! epik till the death of me; 10:20 PM Thursday, March 25, 2010 i get so sleepy in class that my head rolls back and hits the wall :| this is what happens when you go about on 5 hours of sleep every day. but i guess most of you know how that feels, since you're probably doing the same thing yourself :D isn't it sad that we're spending more time at school than in bed? (and i meant that in a totally non-sexual-inneundo-laden way of course. :D ) so anyway. the kid. he sings wtf. he is not making it easier for me :| i'm slowly weaning myself off. meaning, resisting the urge to stalk his facebook. (wean? i use the weirdest words, don't i?) but... the longer i stare, the younger he looks. oh well, i'll be over him in a while. this isn't actually the first time something like this happened. except the last time, i didn't get so obsessed. when i went for the mtv asia awards, there was this boy. he's my age. i know because the both of us forgot to bring our identification cards and we had to prove we were fifteen. anyway, sometime during the red carpet, we turned our heads at the same time and caught each others' gaze. i think i stared into his eyes for a full five seconds, maybe even longer. then the spell broke and we just wandered off on our own way, i think because the click five were walking down the lane. we kept sneaking glances at each other throughout and after the whole show was done, he happened to be beside me when i called a fangirl to spazz about superjunior. he shot me this amused smile, nodded his head and disappeared. i never saw him again (naturally) but i found him in one of the pictures i took of the crowd, staring directly at the camera. hm. epik till the death of me; 11:17 PM Sunday, March 21, 2010 okay, now i'm talking about what happened BEFORE the concert. so we got there at 3.30PM and lined up for... 3 hours? in the sun and the rain, haha. such dedicated fans. when we got in, i started talking to these two koreans. practice my korean skills and all. they were pretty impressed. /preens/ SO ANYWAY. there's only one reason why i want to post this. those two koreans? they're related to the main sponsor, Daorae. (remember? the restaurant owner of the taipan branch gave me free tickets to tvxq's concert?) and they brought along two other boys. one of those boys... is the cutest thing ever T______T he's korean and two years younger than me. and did i mention, amazingly cute? my ideal type! so there i was, completely embarrassing myself by trying not to fangirl the boy and guh, did i fail? i don't know. i told the girl that i thought the boy was cute and you know what? she called the kid over and relayed my message. thank god it was all in korean so only the four of us witnessed my humiliation xD and now i can't get him out of my head. can you tell that it's been four years since i last liked someone? /sobs/ epik till the death of me; 2:21 AM
► Supershow II fan account :D messy like heck, but my minds jumbled up and i need to write to remember alright, where shall we start? after the concert guests came out (bleh) we waited for half an hour more. then the lights dimmed. the first person came out of the ground.. and shoot, it was hyukjae. IN OUR SIDE, EVEN. and there's hyukjae just right in front of my face and i started screaming like hell, image be damned. one by one they popped up and then launched into man in love. U was next. donghae held sungmin's shoulders during U. Donghae did a hipthrust IN FRONT OF US. then she wants it. the boys popped out one by one on the different sides of the stage. next, they did self introductions. hyukjae did the whole "WASSUP MALAYSIA" routine and a little striptease xD donghae did a long scream and an awesome backflip. eeteuk did this boobie boobie dance. angela was shihyukhae fanservice all the way. i'll upload my crappy handphone recording to give you an idea, but you can probably find HQ fancams out there. first shiwon kicked hyukjae to the floor. then they started groping each other. donghae must've gotten jealous cause shiwon went over and leaned in close enough to kiss. hyukjae pulled them apart and started being lovey dovey with shiwon again. then they fooled around a bit more. /sigh/ this ones a little shorter. more shihaehyuk xD shindong pretended to be kyuhyun too. he went up in front and lipsynced while kyuhyun hid at the back and sang xD during miracle, i think, shindong and sungmin helped donghae and hyukjae walk on hands. and dancing out? lots of THIS going on. hyukjae and donghae.  again, excuse the quality. i didn't sneak in cameras and this was a screencap of my phone's fancam heechul kept dancing crazily during knock out. you know, with a swagger in his step and hands making the universal sign for crazy. i think he is crazy. or drunk. he didn't seem quite right in the head throughout. during the ending, some fan squirted shiwon with some water and heechul marched over to whisper something into shiwon's ear. then he grabbed a watergun from hyukjae and started shooting the fans like a mad man. it wasn't the playful kind of shooting everyone else did but he choose his target and kept at it :| SOLOS →instead of 7 Years of Love, kyuhyun sang a chinese song called forgive. 
→and goodness, henry had a solo stage where HE DANCED WITH ~GURLS~. oh my poor fangirl heart.
→heechul didn't sing horn, but performed ivy's sonata of seduction with henry on violin and ryeowook on keyboard. heechul was flamboyant, but i didn't give much notice becaus holy shoot, henry is right there in front of me doing his thing with his violin. how could i tear my eyes away?but uh, heechul almost kissed henry.  the rest of the solos were the same they performed the same dance routine as the SBS dance battle. you know, masked marionette (sp?), pretend running, the whole deal. its awesome seeing it in front of your eyes :D shiwon stripped hae. well, everyone stripped everyone. and they voluntarily lifted up their shirts too. i saw the abs of hyukjae, shiwon, eeteuk and donghae. when kyuhyun sang puff the magic dragon there was this skit that meant nothing. heechuls a dragon and shindongs a baby. dragon heechul and anchovy hyukjae flashes baby shindong and then horse shiwon comes and... they dance abracadabra? then more people in animal suits get involved (cow sungmin, turtle yesung, rabbit ryeowook etc) and they try to capture the dragon. during our love, sungmin was such a little tease xD he was waving this flag around and because i was in the first row, i kept motioning for him to throw the flag down. he held up the flag a little higher, as if to throw it, then smiled down at me and shook his head. did it a few times and seemed pretty amused at my (and the other girls') frustration. in the end he relented and threw it lightly so we could catch it. it fell on the floor and the security guard took it and gave it to me. then this japanese lady snatched it out of my hands! the same lady later snatched eeteuk's shirt from me and another girl as well :| we managed to make eeteuk cry during shining star. (SUCCESS!) this time, shindong was in front of us. he saw someone holding a placard that had his twitter name on it and was pleasantly surprised. it was cute :D zhoumi made his first appearance in the blue tomorrow performance and darn, i never found him hot before this but damn, was he smoking xD he dyed his hair brown and i simply couldn't take my eyes off his crotch. ... and legs. i think he can wear girl pants. such a beautiful lower half xDDD between chu~ (one word: disturbing. hyukjae in stockings?) and rokkugo, they sung teletubbies. four boys lay down on the floor and shindong leapfrogged over them. during the ending, →heechul poured water down henry and zhoumi's back, completely startling the poor boy. → donghae started blowing flying kisses to the crowd. hyukjae gestures what about me?. donghae brings his hands to his lips and then smashes his hand to hyukjae's mouth xD Labels: fan account epik till the death of me; 12:14 AM Saturday, March 20, 2010 to distract myself from the concert, i spent the morning watching a WGM marathon. and i finally gave the yongseo (FORGIVE IN KOREAN LOL) a try. i hesitated because i'm not too fond of yonghwa but curiosity won. now i feel like rolling in flower beds and prancing with unicorns. not. dear god, why is she so sickeningly sweet and innocent? she's quiet, shy, polite and likes reading books. her role model is ban kimoon, has mottos for life and gets first place in school. guys lap this shit up right? the kind of girl that turns all giggly and shy at the prospect of a boy. i wouldn't turn giggly for much of anything. except maybe puppies, because i adore puppies. even the prospect of boys won't get me giggly. on the contrary, if he was cute , i would turn all squealy and aggressive. i'm too far gone to be innocent. /annoyed/ i'm more Ga in than seohyeon anyway >///<" don't get me wrong. i'm not hating on seohyun. she's one of my favourites, if i had to choose, but i'm just really... curious as to how ANYONE can live that way. but okay, they're a refreshing change from the adam couple. epik till the death of me; 10:24 AM Friday, March 19, 2010 for those of you curious about what i'm bringing to the concert... go here and wait a few seconds for it to load :D robo.to or wait, i'll just embed it here :D it takes a while to load though. oh, and if anyone's wondering, robo.to allows you to record short (5 seconds? or something) video updates. so thats why its so short. epik till the death of me; 3:25 PM Thursday, March 18, 2010 the heat was bearable, but i'm down with a nasty case of food poisoning. i haven't had a thing to eat all day! i can't keep anything down T^T kpop is huge in cambodia, no surprise there. i was in the royal palace and i heard 2ne1's i don't care blaring from some street vendor's radio :| everytime i channel surf on tv, i'll see some korean music video or a korean drama dubbed in various languages. i counted, and i saw korean dramas dubbed in 6 languages! apparently, cambodians love AJ. not beast, but just AJ lee gikwang. wiping the tears won in the poll, over shinee and 2pm! and mblaq won over rain :D we almost suffocated in the stuffy Russian Market because its just stall after stall in a small cramped place with no fans or wind. i'm the one in the checkered jacket. 
and look! fried frogs. they eat this as a snack along with beer.
me and mom at some temple somewhere. (i lost track xD) epik till the death of me; 9:53 PM Monday, March 15, 2010 it amazes me how amazingly naive people can be. alright, kiddies, keep your eyes peeled, because here's the cold, hard truth. and if you're prone to being butthurt, please, skip this, because i am known for being harsh. read at your own risk and don't attack me because you can't accept the truth. oh my, where do i start? with the thing that's one of my pet peeves, of course. ONE it annoys me to no end when people ask me to get autographs of certain celebrities for them. if i could, my room would be filled with millions of signatures instead of just four, alright? and if i could actually get a signature from, say, donghae, WOULD I GIVE IT TO YOU? i would put this in huge blinking font, but i refrain: going to a concert does not mean i can get their signatures. has your brain processed that? good. now stop asking me. TWO stars love their fans. yes they do. but they don't love you. don't expect them to be saints that adore every living creature. you are merely a faceless name or a nameless face to them. stars love fans when they come in one lump sum. they mean every word when they're shouting out teary i love yous to the crowd that attends their concert. but when a fan is tearing at their shirt, sobbing and hysterical, well, don't blame them when they bark back at you. think about what you were doing. if you were in their shoes, wouldn't you have responded in a worse way? THREE celebrities don't keep fan letters. now, now, don't cry. it's not that they hate you. it's just impractical to keep all of the fans' letters. they won't have time to read the tens of thousands of mail they get (that say the same thing) either. celebrities have been throwing out gifts since the beginning of celebrities. know that risk when you're penning down your sincerest thoughts on flowery stationary. for god's sake, don't blame ze;a. why don't you ask what that neighbor was doing rooting through their trash? FOUR i think this is the most important part. CELEBRITIES DATE TOO, PEOPLE. get over it. if you're twenty five years old and still without a dating history, then there might be something wrong with you. people date, people get married, people have sex (not necessarily in that order). it's the way of life. wasn't that drilled into you ever since you were young? honestly, if i were one of those idols and surrounded by beautiful people every day, i would be hitting on everyone of them. your favourite idol is not celibate. it is his or her right to date. it's not like you would ever stand a chance anyway FIVE WE'RE BFFs YOU GAIZ. every idol band screams that. still, jealousy takes a toll on friendships, no matter how accepting people are. being best friends doesn't mean that they'll give up everything for their friends. sometimes, we have to put ourselves first. it isn't selfish; it's just that no one is as selfless as we like to be. SIX most of them have had work done. it's their body they want to cut away or insert foreign objects into, does it really matter to you? in an industry that chips away at every ounce of confidence you have, it wouldn't be surprising that many people fold into pressure and "improve" what was beautiful in the first place. plus, korea titbit 136: in korea, parents give plastic surgery to their kids as graduating presents. yes, it is as common as flu vaccines. stop being disappointed. ps. if someone hurts his or her nose, expect a new nose. SEVEN looks>talent. in the beginning stage, talent is next to nothing if you don't have the looks. CEOs don't have the patience to sit around and wait for you to show your talent. stars are products. you are the consumer. products with pretty packaging sell well. i accompanied a friend to sm auditions once, and as i snuck around outside, i overheard one of the staff asking a hopeful with a big voice to lift up her hair to show her cheekbones and then grin to show her teeth. the staff then scribbled a few things down. maybe he was writing down how to improve her looks? who knows? and since i've rambled enough, i'll end it off. EIGHT being a star isn't as glamorous as it looks. it comes with a heavy price tag of privacy, sleep, love and happiness. you won't even be able to fart without a million articles coming up on it (poor poor hyomin). and when you do fall in love, the pressure that befalls you will strain your relationship. good luck with that. don't go into the industry unless you have a burning passion or you wouldn't even make it past the training stage. there. i'm not quite down but i think i offended enough people today. feel free to hurl insults at me and prove to me that yes, there are people as naive as that in the world. Labels: rant. epik till the death of me; 12:13 AM Saturday, March 13, 2010 this has been discussed to death but... i quote this from my formspring: Q: what do you think abt failures? lets just say a great person falls from grace , will u still look at him the same way? :D my answer: If I looked up to him before, he will always shine in my heart, no matter what he does, no matter what they say.at that time i wrote it in reference to jaebum. but now, i think it applies to 6pm a little more. but this is how i think. till now. i read those evil sasaeng fan accounts. i read the insults and accusations hurled at them by "fans", antis and every other person with too much hate harboured in themselves. i may not believe all of what i see, but still, i support the boys. including jaebum. (though right now, my love for 6pm>jaebum, because jaebum does not need any more "love and respect" right now. (which reminds me, are they respecting the 6 boys?) they're not saints; they're merely humans (organisms? haha). a normal hot-blooded 23 year old should be dating right now. (it isn't like i can date them if they were single anyway) and i've said harsher things than what they've said, that's for sure. but wow, the fans' words cut to the core. i understand now why people have been driven to suicide with harsh words. they laugh with glee when others insult the boys, even the international fans. ... and now that that notion has been planted in my mind, i can't help but be worried... epik till the death of me; 8:57 PM Thursday, March 11, 2010 i'm a such a fan of brown eyes, brown eyed soul and 4men's music T____T brown eyes and brown eyed soul, apart from having similar names, also have similar music sounds. in fact, sometimes i have trouble telling which is which. though brown eyes has disbanded, so its a good thing i like brown eyed soul a tiny bit more. as for 4men, the group you see singing on music bank or inkigayo now isn't the original group of members. they've gone through member changes a few times so each album has different but still similar sounding voices. this means that the original "baby baby" song has different singers from the recently rereleased 4men baby baby album. it doesn't matter; they all sound so good all the same. try out their music! brown eyes 브라운 아이즈 루아흐 ru a heu ...오후 ohu (afternoon) Your Eyes (intro) 가지마 가지마 kajima kajima (don't go don't go) brown eyed soul brown eyed soul - 시계 shigye (clock) Anything (Through The Rain) jungyeop - nothing better jungyeop -잘지내 jal jinae (how are you?) 4men baby baby 고백 gobaek (confession) 똑똑똑 toktoktok i really really really love their music. so fucking much. its beautiful and haunting and touching all at once. epik till the death of me; 9:35 PM Tuesday, March 09, 2010 made kimchi jjigae all by myself yesterday! 
it wasn't spicy enough, even though i put in a ton of gochujang (hot chill sauce), kimchi and gochu garu (chilli powder). i've been craving for spicy food so BADLY these days. i have to have spicy food for every meal these days T^T epik till the death of me; 8:45 PM Saturday, March 06, 2010 DEAR GOD I AM HAVING A HEARTATTACK. never ever let me onto because i get waaaaay too excited and start clawing at the screen. also, i'm already (possibly) anaemic; nosebleeds cannot be possibly good for me. but can you blame me? LOOK AT THIS.  this is my current phone background, aka, LEE JI HOO. he's an uljjang, my alltime favourite uljjang, i might add, because he shamelessly flaunts those beautiful eyes. this boy brings cute to a sickening level. if he lived in anywhere but korea, he would be pumelled to death by disgusted boys. but he lives in korea, therefore he is worshipped by  ah, he is so amazing~ ♥ this is hwang juwon, also an uljjang. he never shows his face though! its always hidden by hair or glasses. but thats alright, because it gives him a mysterious flair. in other words, UNF UNF UNFFFFFFF. and hi, meet lee sangjun. 
he has tattoos, piercings and like riding motorbikes. and oh yeah, he likes taking pictures with kittens. ROFL. he also looks disturbingly like ninomiya from some angles. but so does everyone else. proof of that last statement? 
no, this is not nino himself, this is parkjiho. also fond of taking pictures with dogs. there must be an unwritten rule somewhere that states uljjangs must not only be beautiful, but their pets must also be so cute it makes your own pet seem like a ragdoll.
last but not least, THIIIS! i found this picture in my computer's uljjang folder today (yes, i have an uljjang folder; stfu) and its non other than UKISS' KISEOB. and i never noticed. /fail. ngi, he is so much hotter now. → ANYWAY. lol i found a way to make cheat gifs from youtube vids! except there's that watermark, but whatever. look, watermark. and very LQ. BUT HEEEEEEY, JUNIPS! epik till the death of me; 11:18 PM Friday, March 05, 2010 watching the kdrama will it snow on christmas?. the first one and a half episodes are really promising (you'll see why say half if you watch). the characters are so solid. about a really fucked up family and a girl who sticks her nose into matters she has no say in. except it isn't as bad as i described it xD i love the characters so fucking much! ♥ soohyun (character name: kangjin) is expressionless throughout yet he portrays each emotion perfectly. he is a really, really good actor. charisma oozes from him. when he smiles (and the corners of his mouth lift only TWICE slightly throughout two episodes), it says more than words ever can. he's beautiful in that cold unfeeling way and his ears stick out~ ♥ when he grows up into gosoo i'm gonna be really sad :( as for the girl (jihwan), she has to endure getting hit AND has a long underwater scene. AND her brother is song junggi, aka the host of music bank! but ohmygod, fucking unfair. ... not gonna spoil it for you. SERIOUSLY. WATCH IT. for the first two episodes only, i mean. just to see how amazing the young characters act. and ugh, i'm so sad, because i KNOW the story is gonna turn boring after they grow up. probably never finish watching it either. they turn into adults at the end of episode 2 and already i'm bored. dramas are normally like this. the teens outshadow the adults. i'm not too fond of gosoo or hanyeseul either /edit/ i was right. episode 3 was dead boring. episode 4 started looking up though, due to all the mindfuck and "is he/isn't he?"s. by the way, i gave up on god of study. its like watching your own school life on tv, except you feel guilty because you study less than those hardworking kids. epik till the death of me; 9:09 PM Monday, March 01, 2010 SO! i've thought about it and here are the possible confessions jaebum made that "are definitely more serious than the publicised postings and could cause more social repercussions". so here we go~ 1. "i'm gay." 2. "i slept with taecyeon." 3. "i'm pregnant with taecyeon's child." (see above) 4. "i'm actually an alien from the H3Ts9sX planet in the Y20nsY galaxy." 5. jaebum is actually a robot developed in jyp's secret laboratory. 6. the kid you've seen doing again and again promos is actually jaebum's long-long twin brother. 7. "i'm actually a woman." 8. "i aim to take over the world." 9. "i'm actually park myungsoo in disguise. 10. "my real age is 38 and i eat kittens for fun." so, whaddya think? definately more plausible than the "i snorted cocaine and knocked sunmi up" rumours, y/y? :D epik till the death of me; 11:11 PM |