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About Me  jiaqian → fangirl. insane. beware. → am a little twisted, and a lot disturbing, but once you look past the insaneness, i'm quite interesting. → this is a mostly a place for me to wax horrible poetry and post cryptic rants that no one will understand but of late it has evolved into yet another angsty diary. but the last time i checked, that's what blogs are for. →also, lots of typos since i'm normally high (on life, not crack!), tipsy or depressed when i write my posts. seriously. → profanity galore. honest raw emotions. are you squirmy when it comes to emotions? → slightly unhinged. dancing on the edge yet in control. perfection is overrated. The likes ♥
kpop. k-indie. k-hiphop. uljjangs. k-models. the boy in header: model kang cheolwoong Links
my fic journalflavors Friends
Amanda/Pei Yun Chy Yun Debbie Euwing Gabby Jia Ying Jinzhi Muayyad Nadiah PhuiYee, Yeevon Samantha Seayunn Siauthung Yiwen YiLin Yishuen The others
Credits Layout design by Eefennie. edited by mua. | Wednesday, January 25, 2012 iu drabble. her real name is jieun. as usual, part of a wip. her rise to fame was surprising to me, since i loved her debut and have watched her throughout. who knew that the prim, serious-faced little girl would turn into the nation's darling? _ jieun presses her back against the cold wall and slides down until she hits the floor. she draws her knees up to her chin and runs a perfectly manicured hand up her legs. what she does next is marvel, because her legs are thinner than it has ever been, thinner than what she ever thought they could be. but you wanted this, her mind tells her desperately. you remember the days when you looked yourself in the mirror and wished for all that baby fat to disappear right? except she doesn't. she never did because she never found herself chubby until her dance trainer made a snide comment. but clinging to the illusion that "thin" was all she ever wanted to be made it easier for her forgo the cheese burger for a salad. whenever someone new names her as his ideal type, she feels dirty and used. but you're 10 years older than me, she wants to protest. when another washed up former idol covers his gums with the back of his hand and shyly admits that he's been interested in her lately, she puts up an obligatory embarassed and flattered front but recoils inside- don't smile like you're not having wet dreams of me at night. her boss treats her really nice lately. she doesn't know how much money she's making since all the money goes to a bank account controlled by her parents, but they bought a new house a month ago, a waterfront house in one of the most upscale locations in the city, so she must be doing well. she's seen news reports claiming that Good Day brought in millions, not in won, but in US dollars. the number is enough to make her blood run cold. her new album is doing well too. all the songs ranked on the charts. she worried that her new album wouldn't do as well but now she has reclaimed her spot as the reigning princess of pop. it's not as comforting as it is lonely. Labels: wordspit. epik till the death of me; 1:11 AM Tuesday, January 24, 2012 i didn't mean for this post to be dragged on till now, but i was on the road. again. and for a longer period this time, because it's chinese new year and we had to go visiting and stuff. but here goes... the concert started on time, and to my surprise, there was no host or translator. that meant the boys had to struggle with english. let me just say, if i were their english teacher, i would be sobbing rn. as usual, hongki was a little ball of energy. he spun and wriggled during bingbingbing, and jumped and waved his hands while singing every single song. hongki gives his all for the stage and after three consecqutive songs where he had to shriek out high notes, i was worried for his throat. but i thought, okay, there'll be solos and videos and things so that hongki can rest. but no. the concert was no frills. i'm spoiled by all the korean concerts i've been to. i'm used to special effects, cute videos and aegyo. this concert was stripped down to just the music, which would be awesome, but it was obvious that most of the audience were casual listeners. even if i haven't been paying much attention to their latest works, at least i could recognise, sing along or at least hum to all the korean songs. the audience were mostly unresponsive when they performed the songs that weren't title songs, and everyone looked distracted when it came to the japanese songs. i didn't like that they sang four japanese songs in the place of the solos, especially since, uh, i've never heard those songs before and hence was bored. again, i say that casual fans would have been bored, because there was no variety in the songs they performed. most of fti's songs are relatively fast and after a while the songs blended into one another. they sang two mellow songs. TWO. that was a nice change of pace, but the rest were all songs that required vocal ability. it was no surprise that hongki was visibly tired halfway through, and he changed all the high notes to lower ones. at first i was disappointed that we didn't get to see the solos that i've so eagerly waited for. but then i realized that it meant the boys had to work even harder to perform the rest of the songs, and i sat back to enjoy the music. the highlight of the whole concert was definitely the cute english. at one point, hongki said said in korean to the audience, "now everyone sit down". i think he was trying to do some event but he quickly realized that the rockpitt section couldn't sit down. he turned around to his members, "야 여기안돼겠다야. (hey this won't do)". then he asked jaejin how to give instructions in english, but the ever helpful jae was laughing his head off. frustrated, he said, "아 모르겠다 (ah whatever)," and yelled out "영어 배우고 올게요! (i'll learn english!)" qt pie looooool and there was also a part where he tried to introduce the next song but he couldnt, so he asked his band members to do it. and jaejin tried but all he could do was stutter. seunghyun tried next, and he only managed up to the "the next song is..." before they all laughed and dove into the next song. this was an interesting concert, no doubt, because a korean concert that only has a band performing is just so new to me. i hoped that they would sing some of their older songs but they barely did. i would've enjoyed their concert more in 2008, if it weren't cancelled (please give me back my money ;A; i bought rm300+ tickets...), but ah the ship has sailed. if i didn't get free tickets, i wouldn't have gone, because this is a show for fans, and fans only. Labels: fan account epik till the death of me; 11:03 PM Monday, January 16, 2012 the concert was at 8.30pm and the free fan meeting was at 6.30pm. at first i was adamant against going- there's not much time, it's sure to be late, and i'll rather grab good seats at fti's. then we found out that the fanmeeting was moved earlier to 6pm, and when we got to the concert stadium, there weren't many people. so i jumped around and kinda made noisy until we agreed to go back to sungai wang for the fan meeting. as most kpop fans were already at ftisland's concert, there weren't that many people at the fan meeting, so we were pretty close to the stage. it started at around 6pm, with almost no delay by the host. first impression: they're tall. very tall. they popped out of there with a song that i wasn't familiar with. after the songs were introductions and Q&A sections. zelo barely spoke, so when prompted, he said that he's on the shy side. yongguk was obviously the leader of the two- not surprisingly, since he's older, more experienced, and also the leader of bap. but even then, it was easy to tell that he wasn't that good at the whole speaking thing yet. then (frustratingly lol) there was a game section. they played the newspaper game, where they had to stand on a piece of newspaper that is folded and folded until someone falls off and the winner is decided. the fun part in this game is that normally two people are in a team, and since the newspaper is really very small, there's a lot of skinship involved. one party has to hug or even lift up the other as to remain on the paper. i actually love this game. heh >~< /relives fond memories uh, anyway. the boys had to pick a girl to play with them, and were obviously flustered at the fact that there was a lot of skinship. yongguk got over it pretty quickly, and effortless picked up his partner princess style. he made it look like she weighed nothing and had the widest grin on his face. in that moment, he looked so manly ♥ zelo, on the other hand, stumbled when he tried to piggy back his partner. he obviously wasn't comfortable with the skinship and struggled quite a bit, but he managed to do it, and even won the game in the end. the next game was basically a tiny talent show where they each chose a girl of their choice. my friend was pulled on stage, and zelo chose her as the best!. the second song they sang was naturally Never Give Up, and the minute they finished it, my friends and i bolted to the stadium. tbc... Labels: fan account epik till the death of me; 11:12 PM Saturday, January 07, 2012 mm. i've lost my love for writing. this can be seen from the dying of posts in this blog. this unsettles me, because i can no longer find solace in words and letters. all my tastes have changed- from food, to friends, to boys. i don't like the food i used to like. the thought of nutella makes me shudder- too sweet. books don't draw me as much now. ... nothing draws me at all tbh. how scary it is to live life without any fancies. and i've been having nightmares. i have two recurring ones. yesterday i had the dream that i hate the most. i was stalked by a black leopard. i ran. cornered myself in a room and shut the door. it sat outside the door hissing at me, scratching and pushing against the creaking splintering wood. sleek felines feature prominently in this dream, and i'm terrified. it's always leopards, mostly black ones. sometimes there's a snow leopard, sometimes there's a tiger. but the sharp eyes never change. there's the other one. this one scares me less, but makes my heart thump more. i'm pursued by a crazed murderer. he has a weapon in his hand -a bat, a knife, a gun- and he's hell bent on killing me. this dream is so thrilling and complicated that i sometimes wake up wondering how my mind could come up with such details. the police is involved, a revenge plot is involved. these are the only two nightmares that i have frequently, and when they come, i'm filled with unease. do you know that feeling? something's wrong and i just know it but i can't pinpoint what and how. no amount of consoling can comfort my nerves. i wish this feeling would go away. i wish the nightmares would stop. it's affecting my entire being, sending me into terrible moodswings that has me lashing out at everyone. the lack of sleep doesn't help either. epik till the death of me; 12:03 AM Monday, January 02, 2012 new year. *breathes in* what happened in december? i spent half of december travelling. in the first week, i went to singapore with suimei to watch MAMA 2011. on the 17th till christmas, i travelled to china. the first day we flew from malaysia to Kunming (昆明), where we visited the stone forests 石林. nature is a miracle, i swear. that night we took an overnight train (ewwwww i hope i never have to experience it again) to Dali 大理. the travel agencies didn’t recommend that place, but i find that i liked it the best out of all the places in china. i sound like a broken record, but oh god, this place is fucking beautiful. no, beautiful doesn’t cut it. it’s a postcard every direction you look. the next morning we drove to Lijiang, where we spent the most part exploring 古城, which can best be described as a quaint little ancient place sprawling 3.2 square km, there’s over 300 tiny roads housing art galleries, handicraft stores, cafes and bars.   
i find that i like the tiny towns better than i like the cities. it’s cleaner, and the people are friendlier.on the 27th, just a day after flying back, i went to pangkor with my friends. we stayed at a small village and at night, we saw firelflies! 
new years eve was spent at rayhan's party, which i shamelessly invited myself to. i'm glad i did, because it was fun. then again, i'm very good at making fun out of nothing haha. with deb, playing with the new frames i bought! anyway happy new year guys! i've been in a bit of funk, but i think that's due to the end of the year and all. my new years resolution is to work on my self esteem issues! I AM NOT A UGLY BALL OF BLUBBER! epik till the death of me; 3:33 PM |