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About Me  jiaqian → fangirl. insane. beware. → am a little twisted, and a lot disturbing, but once you look past the insaneness, i'm quite interesting. → this is a mostly a place for me to wax horrible poetry and post cryptic rants that no one will understand but of late it has evolved into yet another angsty diary. but the last time i checked, that's what blogs are for. →also, lots of typos since i'm normally high (on life, not crack!), tipsy or depressed when i write my posts. seriously. → profanity galore. honest raw emotions. are you squirmy when it comes to emotions? → slightly unhinged. dancing on the edge yet in control. perfection is overrated. The likes ♥
kpop. k-indie. k-hiphop. uljjangs. k-models. the boy in header: model kang cheolwoong Links
my fic journalflavors Friends
Amanda/Pei Yun Chy Yun Debbie Euwing Gabby Jia Ying Jinzhi Muayyad Nadiah PhuiYee, Yeevon Samantha Seayunn Siauthung Yiwen YiLin Yishuen The others
Credits Layout design by Eefennie. edited by mua. | Thursday, August 22, 2013 while having greek food at stalactite, a van drove with a flashy advertisement on its side- a pair of full boobs spilling out of a barely there lacy bra, with "$5 ENTRY" splashed across. it was a gentleman's club, or simply, a strip club. AK started recounting the time he brought his mother to the same gentleman's club and somehow we went from omg wasn't that awkward to let's go to a stri- gentleman's club! so there we went, 4 boys and 2 girls, trooping off to the club, with worrywart me fretting about being refused entry because we were in shirts and sweaters, not exactly high class material. the place was exactly how i imagined a high class bar to be- red, leather couches, a lot of dark furniture, dimmed lights. and right in the middle, a round stage, decently sized, with a metal pole. a girl was already on it, this slinky brunette. the DJ announced the way they did things- each girl is on stage for seven minutes only. for the first song she remains clothes (well, as clothed as one can be in skimpy, see through lingerie) but for the second song, the top comes off. if you tip (and you have to, if you sit at the seats closest to the stage), she goes full frontal. one of the first things D said was, "oh my god, look at those heels." which frankly, darling, does nothing to dispel the gay rumours floating around you. i must admit, those are some damn great heels. a lady slunk up to me and ran her hand down my thigh, fingers slipping under the hem of my skirt and travelling further than where any human has gone (give me a moment to lament my sad love life, hush). then she offered us a lapdance with the boys. "i could call my friends and bring you all to a private booth!" YL and i exchanged a quick glance -the offer was tempting, but with the boys?- and i politely refused her. she grinned, slid her hand across my leg again and made a graceful exit. memorable quote of the night: "she bit my nipples! my nipples hurt!" it was okay, nothing that great. most of the girl didn't do it for me, except for one blonde, flirty girl who had me absolutely drooling. but after the 5th or 6th topless gyrating girl, it started to get boring. we went from admiring boobs to pole dance moves, to later on, shoes and lingerie options. the next night, we went for hot dogs, and D piped up, "hey, i watched the show the stripper recommended me last night. it was pretty good!" apparently for a while, she lay on him while they talked about tv shows. naked. okay. it was at this moment where the waiter popped up from where he was fixing the heater under the table, previously unnoticed, and exclaimed, "i like how you spend your friday nights! at least she has good taste!" this is what i do in melbourne. i love it here. epik till the death of me; 3:52 PM Monday, August 05, 2013 it's been a while since i properly talked about kpop in here, hasn't it? there are so many things i want to say, but i don't know how to wade through the mess in my head and organize them. perhaps it's the twitter effect. i'm used to fitting my thoughts into easy 140 character helpings. my thoughts are stars i cannot fathom into constellations. /snorts i've also become used to writing for an audience, and not for myself. my twitter has a decent amount of followers, and while it's certainly less than what most people expect when they see a statement like that, it's still 500 more people than i'm comfortable with. i'm touching more on the anxiety i mentioned in my recent post, and trying to explain why exactly i feel uneasy. i'm the kind of person who speaks her mind. i've always been painfully frank with my opinions. since this is an exo-themed post, as with EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE LATELY, i'll use this example tweet: yixing is such a mediocre singer and song writer, just like donghae. i pissed off some people with that. heh. i'm not exactly the most articulate person either. (that's painfully obvious, isn't it?) i'm just like that- blunt and shameless. but my tweets are getting more attention than i ever expected. i'm not sure what it is about this fandom that makes everyone get so involved, but i've never received this amount of attention even when i was forum moderators for other fandoms. suddenly i am accountable for my actions, responsible for my words. i easily get about 100 retweets a day, and sometimes this happens.  what was once a nice community of just me and a couple of silly friends who insulted exo more than we loved them, became a messy market place where somehow my opinions mattered and was dissected, contested even. i worry that people might take me too seriously, and there are a lot of people that actually take my mindless rambling as fact. sometimes i tweetfic and people mistake that as truth. i suddenly understand the whole issue exo fandom has with [CONFIRMED]; a single tweet holds more weight than you'd imagine. yesterday, i talked about exo i just look at exo and wonder why sm even let half of them debut. they go against everything we expected from sm u___u i also mentioned how k and m's vocals were unbalanced, and how m can't pull some of exo's songs off as well simply because the song wasn't made for their sound and range. and then i apologized. "you shouldn't have to apologize for having an opinion," tlist said. "but," i countered, "exo fandom's kneejerk reaction seems to be DEFEND EXO" sure enough, i got a few asks asking why i bashed exo (sans jongin) so much. my reply: i also criticize every other group i've ever stanned, but it doesn't mean i don't like them? liking someone doesn't mean blindly ignoring all their flaws. liking someone means knowing their flaws, and learning to accept them. for the most part, i accept that exo doesn't have a strong stage presence, but i can't completely dismiss it either. this is not a 100% fandom twitter, i am not a fanbase, and this is after all, a personal account. why should i self censor? when i say something, it doesn't mean that it's always right, and it doesn't mean that you should accept them. this is a personal twitter. it is my personal opinion. i actually ignited a whole discussion between a few followers in my mentions, with most defending exo, and some pointing out the validity of my statements. i came to know most people through fanfic, which in itself, scares me enough that i worry about posting the next thing. it was supposed to be fun, you know? i write for myself, because this idea was gnawing at me. i write for tlist, because it's fun killing them. i think i'm pretty crap at writing, actually. i'm bad at characterization and descriptions of any kind. my vocabulary is terribly limited. my life experience limits me, which is bad because i'm an experiential writer. some people must appreciate it though, because i get recognised a lot. i admit, it's very flattering, but the pressure. i'm well aware when something i write is average. i don't think it deserves the praise it gets. i checked the stats for my fic comm, and one of the fics had 8000 unique readers since it was up. 8000 different ip addresses means at least 8000 views, not counting the repeated readers. holy shit. i like anonymity. but maybe i don't like it enough. because if i really did, i wouldn't leave my twitter public like this. and at the end of the day, it all boils down to this. no one really cares about your opinion, jq. stop whining and get over yourself. epik till the death of me; 10:01 PM |