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About Me  jiaqian → fangirl. insane. beware. → am a little twisted, and a lot disturbing, but once you look past the insaneness, i'm quite interesting. → this is a mostly a place for me to wax horrible poetry and post cryptic rants that no one will understand but of late it has evolved into yet another angsty diary. but the last time i checked, that's what blogs are for. →also, lots of typos since i'm normally high (on life, not crack!), tipsy or depressed when i write my posts. seriously. → profanity galore. honest raw emotions. are you squirmy when it comes to emotions? → slightly unhinged. dancing on the edge yet in control. perfection is overrated. The likes ♥
kpop. k-indie. k-hiphop. uljjangs. k-models. the boy in header: model kang cheolwoong Links
my fic journalflavors Friends
Amanda/Pei Yun Chy Yun Debbie Euwing Gabby Jia Ying Jinzhi Muayyad Nadiah PhuiYee, Yeevon Samantha Seayunn Siauthung Yiwen YiLin Yishuen The others
Credits Layout design by Eefennie. edited by mua. | Friday, February 15, 2013 i swear i will get that korea post up. more for myself than anything else. but first things first: i got into RMIT and i'm flying on the 26th. you know what i'm going to say. wait for it... i'm freaking out. is there something about growing up that makes you more in tune with your emotions, or is it just me being dramatic? because when i was 15, i most certainly did not have panic attacks or self esteem issues. life was great. my grades was great. i could breeze through everything, no thinking required. is it some sort of reverse puberty? or a delayed form of it? since i've always been an adult-child, is this my mind's way of catching up with time, trying to cram those missing years of adolescent angst into my almost-adult body? i am almost 20, gdi, and i feel like a pimply 14 year old, drowning in my sorrows and too wrapped up in my own world to worry about everyone else. oh. i got distracted again. so. melbourne. in 11 days. am i ready? let's see: visa's not done, luggage isn't packed. accommodation not found. holy fuck what am i doing. it's not sinking in, you see, the fact that i am studying abroad. i have it in my mind clearly that i'm going to melbourne. that much i have accepted. but i see it more of a long holiday than anything else, which is precisely the problem. it hasn't sunk in that i will be gone for 2.5 years, not to play, but to study. i will actually need to attend classes and do assignments, but not from the comforts of my own home. meanwhile i whine about it enough for everyone to know about it, and they assure me, "you'll do well. you're so independent." odd, i thought so, too. all my life, i assumed i would study abroad. it seemed like the natural course of things; didn't everyone do it? as i grew up i realised that i have no ambition nor greed, and routine is comfortable. i like being a big fish in a small pond, so why challenge that? and that's when the self esteem issues started. i am now yanked out of my pond, thrown into the sea. i am but a mere trout- plain, unassuming, swimming among the tropical fish. the water is too salty and deep for me; i struggle and i choke. i venture too far and there's a shark, and i barely miss losing a fin. they are so much more than i, and i am lost in the crowd, blending in. it is time i changed. i am me. i have expectations on my shoulders. i will be better. i will be Me. (after i curl up in a ball and cry. shh, just this once) epik till the death of me; 3:22 PM Friday, February 08, 2013 REMINDER TO SELF
: PLEASE BLOG ABOUT KOREA YOU LAZY LITTLE BITCH
YOU WILL FORGET
AND THEN YOU WILL CRY
I GIVE YOU A WEEK
BEFORE YOU WILL BE FLYING IN 2 WEEKS FOR GOD'S SAKE
YOU LOVED THE TRIP
WHY CAN'T YOU WRITE ABOUT IT?
epik till the death of me; 11:31 PM |