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About Me  jiaqian → fangirl. insane. beware. → am a little twisted, and a lot disturbing, but once you look past the insaneness, i'm quite interesting. → this is a mostly a place for me to wax horrible poetry and post cryptic rants that no one will understand but of late it has evolved into yet another angsty diary. but the last time i checked, that's what blogs are for. →also, lots of typos since i'm normally high (on life, not crack!), tipsy or depressed when i write my posts. seriously. → profanity galore. honest raw emotions. are you squirmy when it comes to emotions? → slightly unhinged. dancing on the edge yet in control. perfection is overrated. The likes ♥
kpop. k-indie. k-hiphop. uljjangs. k-models. the boy in header: model kang cheolwoong Links
my fic journalflavors Friends
Amanda/Pei Yun Chy Yun Debbie Euwing Gabby Jia Ying Jinzhi Muayyad Nadiah PhuiYee, Yeevon Samantha Seayunn Siauthung Yiwen YiLin Yishuen The others
Credits Layout design by Eefennie. edited by mua. | Sunday, November 29, 2009 i think its time i start talking about rl? this is us in genting. don't give a bunch of unsupervised teenage girls a camera or we will camwhore xD i actually rode the rollercoaster in the background! 
of course, everyone has a jumping pic :D jz's tummy!
lol the girl i'm trying to bite py, aka the fish, so the concept is "fish are friends not food"! (finding nemo ftw!)
teehee i wanted to stand out :D
we were trying to act all ladylike and this picture was snapped before we got ready, hence the stupid grin on my face and ys' blur face. 
haha coincidentally se also has a "fish" in her name. so "fish are friends not food" part 2? epik till the death of me; 10:22 PM Friday, November 27, 2009 :D! i amuse myself too much. i did this meme a while ago. rofl. read it. oh yeah, i got my host family info! a family of four, two little girls, one 3, one 5. JAPAN HERE I COME. epik till the death of me; 8:56 PM Thursday, November 26, 2009 post on kpopsecretmeme2: (when doojoon was still mia) EXACTLY. lol. 2009 is a shitty year to be a kpop fan. there is too much angst going around and the newbie fangirls are just very very confused and lost because they don't know anything. you should've hopped on the bandwagon maybe last year. nothing much happened then. baby fangirls! here's a very good tip: RUN. this fandom will do you no good. believe me. 1. it'll eat up all of your time and social life. but that's alright. because your social and love life can still thrive if you try hard enough. you'll just be thinking about kissing *insertboybandmembernamehere* while you're kissing your boyfriend. 2. it'll completely dominate your thoughts. you will never be able to take the question what time is it now? seriously again. 3. you will no longer be able to separate fantasy and reality. no boy can ever be as perfect and close to your ideal type as taecyeon. no girl can ever be as beautiful as jaejoong's either, so be prepared to feel inadequate, fat and ugly while fangirling. 4. your emotions will be affected by all the shit caused by kpop artists. kpop idols are scandal and accident magnets. right now, an idol falls prey to h1n1 every other day. accidents happen on a monthly basis. idols faint on average once a month. 5. and the existing fans? (aka me xD) half of them are completely batshit. i say that i found the heartbeat dance funny and some of them treated me like i said eating puppies is fun. how can you say that? jay is not there. is jay leaving a laughing matter? no, jay breaks my heart up too but the fans are a laughing matter. so. do you still wanna declare yourself a kpop fangirl? by all means, do so, but when you start whining because your favourite guy has fainted due to exhaustion and his band mate is down with h1n1, don't come back to me :D epik till the death of me; 4:00 PM Saturday, November 21, 2009 you know what, at this rate, beast may really become another battle, and that thought is so sad i hate to think about it. all the cfs and show gigs are going to mblaq because they are the "elite". they've been out for what, a month, and already have a few cfs, photoshoots and two shows. beast? nothing. and honestly, when you look at it closely, beast do seem weaker, but they have this comfortable feel to them, you could relate to them. and i've watched beast and mblaq and still think beast is more entertaining. but i guess we knew it from the start. from the album sales too (not sure about the numbers, but mblaq ranks at 30 beast at 36) now with the chance to shine on variety, mblaq will bloom. i just wish beast could too. epik till the death of me; 12:23 PM Tuesday, November 17, 2009 ★ its past midnight and here you are again, looking at the screen, the white a startling contrast to the darkness engulfing you. from where you sit, you can see the moon. just half a moon, the rest swallowed up by the clouds. there are no stars. you wonder where they are. did they go on a vacation? pack their bags and leave for another galaxy? it must be tiring to stay in one place and shine for a million years. in the distance, you hear a howl from a dog in your neighbourhood. your mind flashes to wolves and creatures of the night but you're not afraid, because you know those exist only in stories and myths. not in reality, not where you exist. (you almost wish that you can blur the lines between reality and fantasy. maybe then you can escape this harsh life with the whisperstauntsteases. maybe then you can jump off the nearest cliff and soar, higher and higher until you join the birds in the sky. maybe then you can visit the stars on vacation, tell them to come back because the night is too lonely without the lights) pushing the laptop until it closes with a click, you shut your eyes and drift into a restless sleep. Labels: wordspit. epik till the death of me; 11:12 PM
► picture and a meme in cameron :D 
1. Where is your cell phone?next to me. i'm staring at it, hoping it'll ring or even beep. it never does. 2. Boyfriend/girlfriend? ask me again in a few years. there'll be a positive answer then. hopefully. 3. Your hair? halfway down my back. puff, frizzy and frequently knots itself up. need to touch it up soon. 4. Your mother? upstairs, sleeping off a headache. 5. Your father? in the living room, skyping my bro who's in america. 6. Your dream last night? i was in a sauna. there was taecyeon, junho, hyunjoong from V.O.S, kim dongwook (that cute actor from coffee prince) and some other guy i can't quite remember. hongki i think. they were topless. we were having this completely serious discussion about love and life and i ended up falling asleep against junho. that was my dream, i kid you not. i love my dreams :DDD 7. Your favorite drink? soya milk. 8. Your fear? fish. dead fish. fish out of water. just- ew. 9. What you're not right now? legal enough to go holidaying in korea with my sister. but hey, like i said, if anything were to happen between me and taemin, i'll be the jailbait, not him. 10. Muffins? they're okay. not my first choice of a snack. not my second, third, fourth or fifth either. 11. One of your wish list items? i suppose junho's hand in marriage doesn't count? i'll settle for a chance to see epikhigh and the crew live this christmas eve. please. 12.Whats on TV? i wouldn't care unless its korean related, and right now its- OH! IRIS! ah well. dad is watching the news 13.Your pet or pets? two dogs right now. about a billion fish. i think i have a turtle. i'm not sure where it went. 14.Your Life? typical. it isn't how i envisioned things to be, but my hopes are too unrealistic to be reached by a mere 16 year old. 15. Your work? searching for it. but that's not turning out very well. 16. Your favorite color? black. always. 17. When is the last time you laughed? taecyeon rubbing up to his first love, marshmallow :D too bad marshie is a guy. 18. Anything you really want to say? i'm sorry if i seem cold and stuck up. you should know its a cover up for vulnerability. i hate feeling weak so i mask it all up with sharp words and access self-love. i don't honestly believe i'm awesome (maybe a little) but saying so seems empowering, so i do it. Labels: meme epik till the death of me; 9:30 PM Thursday, November 12, 2009 ＊ i think i'm slowly going crazy. on the bright side, you have a front row seat to my slow demise into insanity. ＊note to self: don't fall in love with people because they write pretty things. ＊also, don't stalk boys because their hair is fluffy and flops when they move. ＊i can't fucking wait for japan. three more weeks damn it. ＊ my creativity packed up and ran away from home. i'm trying to tempt it back with cookies and milk. but when i need inspiration, i read the awesome comments people leave for me. it deludes me into thinking that no, my writing does not suck. ♥You know, I've just about been fed up with all the mediocre Eunhae/HyukHae stories out there. Then there's you, the ones you write about them ALWAYS remind me that they can be super amazing. I seriously pretty much only read that pairing now when you write them. ♥ you are such a brilliant writer, i say ♥ alsdjflsdj you make me want to be hopelessly romantic and run off and elope with someone and live happily ever after. it's frightening. ♥ That was absolutely beautiful ;_________; seriously this fic made me want to go outside even though its 5am xD ♥ *hugs story* (wonders if that is even possible but doesn't care and keeps hugging like crazy) ♥ I love this. It's so beautiful and well written. You make blohyuk look like art. The fic makes its own music. And they really come together in harmony.＊ oh! i just found out that someone put up a fanmix for one of my drabbles. how fucking awesome is that? all of you are the most awesome people ever. i love you guys so much ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥;; epik till the death of me; 9:17 PM Monday, November 09, 2009 to someone: :Danyway, i love being quoted :D i like to think i'm funny. to apologize for my  this was taken at 3am xD see my eyebags? yeah, they're permanant. fuck i hate cameras. (not photogenic, really. thats not how i look like in real life, i think) AND. to apologize for cracking your screens, here, let hyukjae make it alll better :D  epik till the death of me; 12:04 AM Saturday, November 07, 2009 now i know why i liked doojoon from the beginning- gongyoo lookalike! it never hit me until now, but i always he looked familiar and that familiarity warmed him up to me very quickly. he gave me a very comfortable feel. no surprise, since i love gongyoo, my birthday twin :D and apparently, we're beauties now? as in beauty and the beast. i'm not sure whether to laugh or be awed. the girls are happy, the boys not so much. and there are a hell lot of male beast fans. i'm surprised. i love yoseob. such a big voice for such a small guy. sure, he has a... unmanly voice but i love him all the same. his english has improved since then. so many predebut vids of beast out there. all amazing :D and... didn't realise how much i missed jay until i saw 2pm's teasers. SEVEN. epik till the death of me; 9:41 PM Wednesday, November 04, 2009 so um, obviously i updated my blogskin. its like i only update once per year because thats when the month and a half long holidays roll around. i chose taecyeon first, because he is the most awesome 185cm creature to grace the earth since yunho. while searching for taecyeon pictures i saw junho and melted, so he's there too. doojoon was an afterthought. theother three are there because.. pfft, do you even need me to explain? if it isn't obvious enough, i did the header picture by paint in 10 minutes :D turns out the laptop doesn't have photoshop installed. oh well, you probably can't tell unless you squint but why would you do that? any comments? is it too messy? too powdery light? mujigay? (anyone get that joke? T__________T mujigae or 무지개 means rainbow, which everyone knows is the symbol for gheiness. well you get the point.) epik till the death of me; 11:22 PM Monday, November 02, 2009 i find it cute how people get a kick out of calling me madelyn nonstop when they find out that the "Madelyn Gan" on facebook and the "madelyn_nk@hotmail.com" on msn is actually me since they know me as jiaqian. madelyn is a name i use only online but now i actually have people calling me that in real life. takes getting used to. i find it amusing how people who normally only see me in school are so surprised when they see me with my hair down. they kinda flail a bit and stutter and stare and then just go in disbelief, "you look so much better like this." a ponytail and the hideous school uniform is not flattering on me. trufax. when i was watching strong heart on youtube in the computer lab today (note to self: don't watch variety shows in school. you WILL laugh too loud) , not one, but FIVE people asked me, "korean stuff? again?". my name is synonymous with korean things. not surprising, considering the post below... i also find it funny that my chatbox is mostly filled with conversations with stalkers. how many of you guys are there? :D and do i actually know you? epik till the death of me; 9:31 PM |