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About Me  jiaqian → fangirl. insane. beware. → am a little twisted, and a lot disturbing, but once you look past the insaneness, i'm quite interesting. → this is a mostly a place for me to wax horrible poetry and post cryptic rants that no one will understand but of late it has evolved into yet another angsty diary. but the last time i checked, that's what blogs are for. →also, lots of typos since i'm normally high (on life, not crack!), tipsy or depressed when i write my posts. seriously. → profanity galore. honest raw emotions. are you squirmy when it comes to emotions? → slightly unhinged. dancing on the edge yet in control. perfection is overrated. The likes ♥
kpop. k-indie. k-hiphop. uljjangs. k-models. the boy in header: model kang cheolwoong Links
my fic journalflavors Friends
Amanda/Pei Yun Chy Yun Debbie Euwing Gabby Jia Ying Jinzhi Muayyad Nadiah PhuiYee, Yeevon Samantha Seayunn Siauthung Yiwen YiLin Yishuen The others
Credits Layout design by Eefennie. edited by mua. | Saturday, November 29, 2008 i'm a little high on alcohol. my mom ordered a margarita(sp?) when she saw it was 5 ringgit off, had a few sips and then declared she was full. my dad won't even touch alcohol because he gets drunk so easily and he's the designated driver. my sis and i had to finish that big jug. I love that drink, especially with the salt. yummy :D Then a few hours after we got home, my mom got bored and remembered the Japanese plum wine that someone bought for us from Japan and poured us all a few glasses. Now I don't think my mind is functioning quite rightly. I'm sucking on the little plum thats in the wine xD epik till the death of me; 10:33 PM Wednesday, November 26, 2008 huh i just realised tablo and taeyeon's chinchin is on before tablo's radio. and i've been listening to tablo's radio for weeks now. the song choice is... and they're.. well, boring. i'm not too fond of taeyeon's voice. she sounds very old. i just to have such a crush on tae... whatever happened to that? okay, yes i am being biased. but you have to agree chinchin is laggy? too many people listen to it, i guess. dreaming is smooth all the way. tablo's voice is much deeper and its soothing. i just turn it on and let his voice wash over me. epik till the death of me; 8:57 PM Tuesday, November 25, 2008 This is my 500th post. LIST TIME. I haven't made lists for.. a year. 1. I have a tummy ache. it hurts T-T 2. I sometimes feel that they don't deserve epikhigh because they say they love epik when they in fact couldn't care less. 3. I absolutely LOVE Tokyo by Nell. its english. the love we make4. I watch the two and a half years eaten up by Kpop go by and I panic, not because i wish i spent it in a more meaningful way but because I was so happy and i'm afraid one day my bubble will pop and reality will hit me- hard. 5. I'm listening to She (그녀는) by Ibadi and the song is beautiful. Horan's voice is throaty and soulful. Plus, I like Jazz and this song has a jazzy house feel to it. 6. I have trust issues that i can't share with you because I don't trust you. I try to hide my distrust of the world by blabbering on and on about every aspect of my life to people that I've just met. 7. I roll my eyes when I read other people's blog and see them ramble on about their lives in 133t speak or shortforms. i can't help it; I'm born to be haughty. 8. I realise now that everyone has this screwed up part in their lives and it turns out that everyone has the same problems. we just don't realise it and prefer to think that the world revolves around us and that our problems are unique and no one will understand our problems. 9. I often find excuses not to go out with my friends because the comfort of home and the internet is just too alluring. right now I am more at ease than i can ever be. good music (ibadi is just.. wonderful), an enlightening discussion with a friend from finland and the knowledge that i can be witty and funny through my online persona and everyone understands me perfectly. heaven. 10. I'm revealing more in this post than I like. Trust issues. Labels: lists epik till the death of me; 8:21 PM Monday, November 24, 2008 LJ is brilliant, but I demand my innocence back. Please. A LITTLE PIMP POST with links! my fic journal is yaoi so don't click if you don't like boyxboy very light yaoi though epikjunior is a community that i created and has proof of epikhigh/superjunior love as well as a bunch of fanfics my livejournal is sometimes friend-locked because while I'm cool with i-friends knowing about my life some things my real friends should never know epik till the death of me; 8:36 PM Saturday, November 22, 2008 Just realised I'm tagged by yun. 1. What's your ambition? i want to fuck tablo, but thats not going to happen. i want to work with people. 2. Who is more important to you? Friends or boy/girlfriend? Friends. Unless the boyfriend in question is tablo, but girls, you understand right? *puppydog eyes* 3. How often do you think of committing suicide? mmm. i die daily when i read the right fics or see the right (or should i say OH-SO-WRONG) pictures. i am now numb to sadness. 4. Do you think you have enough confidence? hell, i exlude confidence. 5. How many babies do you want? 3, 1 boy, 1 girl and 1 donghae. 6. What is your goal for this year? i tried goals. they don't work. boyfriend? nil. japanese? nope. 7. Do you believe in eternal love? i'm a bit of a skeptic, but if that right boy comes along, sure. 8. In your opinion, what are the characteristics of the perfect boy/girlfriend? (10 characteristics) -funny -older -taller -intelligent -musically-inclined -be able to tolerate my fangirling -he can wrap me up and make me warm and safe -his smile can make me feel like the world is better -someone's whose flaws become lovable traits to me and vice versa -sweet whispers, fluttering kisses, loving notes 9. What feeling do you love most? the feeling of bubbling happiness that comes from the heart and spreads all over and shows in the form of a smile on my face. mostly caused by fangirling and nice comments to my fanfics. 10. What is your bad habit? i chew my lips. 11. Is there anything you want to tell people who hate you? the feeling is mutual, sweethearts. 12. Do you cherish every single friendship of yours? cherish? i question, i wonder, i doubt, but in the end, i treasure. 13. What does flying mean to you? dreams. letting go and being free. 14. What do you crave most at the moment? a hug. but we all can't get what we want, so i want chocolate. THAT i can get. 15. Who do you think is hotter? Chace Crawford or Kevin Peaker? tablo pawns both of them simply because he is asian and can speak perfect english 16. Describe the person who tagged you in 7 words. she is a fangirl who i converted :D 17. What would you really like to do right now? i really want to snuggle in bed and watch tv with someone beside me. 18. What will you become in the next 10 years? i'll be 25, frequenting jazz bars (hopefully Once in a Blue moon in Incheon) and spending lazy afternoons in a nice cafe reading a good book 19.what do you want for xmas present? I wanted Remapping, but I bought that. I want Tablo's book. Very much. Please. 20. what are wishing for right now? i want to go to Korea where my friend is right now. Tag: do i have eight friends who aren't already tagged? Instructions: Remove one question from above and add in your personal question. Make a total of 20 questions and tag 8 people. List them out at the end of the post. Notify them in their cbox that they've been tagged. Whoever does the tag will have blessings from all. epik till the death of me; 12:34 PM Thursday, November 20, 2008 I have been ignoring my blogger for LJ lately :D once you do lj, you can't turn back. I was watching Music Bank and dear god, the performers get worse and worse. SMASH came out and did the gayest dance possible. I NEEDED REAL MUSIC. SO I dug out my mp4 which I haven't updated in 2 years and is filled with old music. Now I'm on another oldie craze. 1TYM, Vibe, old Kim Dong Ryul songs. Aren't I a little young to like Danny aka Taebin? He's 30. Age doesn't matter. Forget those Wondergirls/Ukiss shit. Try some music that does kpop some justice. You know what songs I really really recommend? Brown Eyed Soul -Sweet Thing (feat. Dynamic Duo, Epik High) ballad/rap It starts off with this elaborate trumpet solo with soft beats. Again my biasedness for Epikhigh shows. In the middle, there are kids saying a quote in their adorable Konglish. Taebin- One Love (acoustic version) ballad/rap This song is just.. beautiful. (if you refuse to try out anything sung by artists that debuted in the 90s, check out Eunteuk's Sukira version. nothing is better than the original though) Wanted- Believe (ft Wheesung) ballad ENGLISH. I like Wanted and Wheesung so I may be biased. But we must admit that anything by these two artists are great! Brown Eyes- Your Eyes ballad Not a song, but the intro to Brown Eyes' latest album whose name is too long for me to remember. Very simple, very soothing. Simplistic yet wonderful. Sang Sang Band- 가지마 가지마 Kajima kajima ballad Hauntingly beautiful. The lead singer's voice is so powerful! Her voice (Yes, girl. *shock* I listen to girls. this is a band. it doesn't count) is soft at times but it sure packs a punch when she unleashes it Leessang - Ballerino rap i love the mv. its about a man who is in denial about his lover's death. watch it. don't blame me if you get nightmares. Yoon Do Hyun- Must Have Been Love More mainstream. Almost pop OMG HAHA how did this sneak in here? Soft spot for him, sorry. Still brilliant though this song. Those used to the mainstream kpop would like this. Vibe- Sajineul Bodaga 사진을 보다가 Ballad This song. Is love. Soft, nice melody. Sticks in your mind :D Someone... -ryeowook?- sang this. I think Yesung too. Peter- 아름다운 Melody areumdaun melody Kpop? You know how I snub all new artists? He's an exception. THIS SONG IS SO CATCHY. Makes you wanna dance. Labels: song rec epik till the death of me; 9:27 PM Tuesday, November 18, 2008 SO.... that BOY THAT IS NOT DONGHAE in the Spokesman performance with Yunho... is that friend from the MBC show? I love 뒷담화, track 16 of Epik High's 2집-High Society just because of the amount of curses it has. 아 씨발 내가 뭘 잘못했는데Count the number of 개새끼s and 씨발s! The entire album is littered with curses in general. Who misses this fuck-the-censors side of Epik High? Though they made me tip my hat off to them again after the gruesome Breakdown. Labels: epik high epik till the death of me; 12:10 AM Saturday, November 15, 2008 THANK GOD.  epik till the death of me; 10:30 PM
► WTF MKMF. You know how I stopped liking Bigbang and now view them as one big joke. Needless to say, WTF MKMF. So I'm biased. But I was an original Bigbang fan and everyone agrees that they're getting out of control now and the music isn't as good. Okay fine. So maybe they should win. We're putting too much expectations on TVXQ. I'm surprised that Nell won Best Rock. I'm honestly happy for them. I expected Kim Dong Ryul for best male artist instead of Seo Taiji and Seotaiji for rock. Lee Hyroi for best female and dance is fine by me too. And duh, shinee for newcomer. And as expected, EPIK HIGH FOR BEST HIPHOP WOOT. epik till the death of me; 10:08 PM Thursday, November 13, 2008 DAMN IT. I AM SO CUTE, IF I SAY SO MYSELF :D 
I like listening to Tablo's radio because his voice is just so... rawr.His song choice, however, I do not agree with. WTF Britney's Oops I Did It Again. And then The Cranberries. And then Um Jung Hwa's Festival (CSJH resang this song!) epik till the death of me; 9:24 PM Wednesday, November 12, 2008 WRONG NUMBER MV. SEXY beyond belief. they're trying to get a PG rating. but who's complaining? The car in their mv. Its a Mansory Tuned Aston Martin Vanquish S that costs crazy shit. (limited edition, only 10 in the world, custom shipped to korea for this mv) And it appears for less than 10 seconds? And to top it off, you put KIM JUNSU in the driver seat. safe. real safe. epik till the death of me; 8:44 PM Tuesday, November 11, 2008 I'm jealous. of her. of them. because english isn't their first language (or maybe it is) but they excel at it. better than me. then again, it doesn't take much to be better than me and they're so young. young, young beautiful girls. using beautiful, breathtaking words. its so easy to get lost in stories. the words dance before my eyes and the stories come to life with the help of my imagination nothihg satisfies me more than some good fiction but only fiction. because the truth is too hard to swallow. ever since i started writing fics -can you call what i do writing?- i've been more observant. i notice things i would never have seen before -like the way the sun hits the pond as the little fish cause ripples in the surface as they try to forage for food that are too microscopic for the naked eye to catch or how the leaves aren't just green, but yellow, brown and green all at once- and i try to describe them in my head. its a way to improve my writing. did it work? you be the judge. i want to create b e a u t i f u l. w o r d s. epik till the death of me; 10:43 PM
► OMG I completely forgot until tablo mentioned it on his radio HAPPY PEPERO DAY epik till the death of me; 9:08 PM Monday, November 10, 2008  I would turn les for that. Damn those fucking prettier-than-mine legs. 
The Video!My heart actually skipped a beat when Hongki did that sexy open-jacket move. For a moment I panicked. Then I remembered- he's a guy. epik till the death of me; 9:57 PM
► NO MORE GOING TO VIETNAM. WOOT. My dad will be managing the whole of Asia so he'll be flying around the place. My mom decided that since he won't be home for 3/4 of a month, we don't need to go. So he'll be going alone :( epik till the death of me; 8:08 PM Saturday, November 08, 2008 This place is filled with people. In, out; in, out. I pop into your blog, you pop into mine. We have one goal in our minds- to promote our own blogs, because the world revolves around us. me. me. me. Frankly, we don't care what the other writes. Who wants to know about our lives anyway? As if our own lives aren't crap enough. If my life is brilliant, I don't need your crap to make my life shine a little less brighter, do i? So don't type it here, you say. What a bitch, you think. I shrug. I'm never one for denial. But we all need an outlet for our emotions. I give advice to people all the time. Random strangers who've I met across the net. Their families make my family look like the poster family for happiness. And I feel for them and I advise them and I let them pour their hearts out to me because a listening ear is all they need.Why can't I be the same way for my friends? I don't mind strangers reading my emotions. Its so comforting to know that someone you don't know took time out of her life to talk to you. But my friends? The people I face everyday? No. I'm weird like that. They can't see my weak side. I tell things to netizens that I never told anyone.I let them hear me sing. I let them read the things I write. I don't think anyone I know have ever read a story I wrote. Because those are only for the people that I will never see in real life. A blog eliminates all possibility of being private, doesn't it? Unless we use the friendlock on LJ, which then defeats the purpose of an online diary. We like to talk. No one likes to listen. Here is perfect. I like hiding behind the wall that is madelyn93. But the wall is crumbing as I let loose on more information. My friends and netizens are all blurring into one. They're in my msn, in my phone messages, in my house. madelyn93 and jiaqian are no longer different. somewhere along this route, the lines between reality and fantasy, life and the internet disappeared. I feel a few points of my intelligence commiting suicide each day. Its sad. Maybe that change could be a good thing. epik till the death of me; 11:24 PM
► There's this boy. I think I love him. Too bad he doesn't exist. epik till the death of me; 11:21 PM
► Seems like everyone has a blog now. Everyone is always one step behind me XD When I started playing online games, everyone laughed at me. Four years back, I stopped Gunbound and started MapleStory. They started Gunbound. A year after I stoppped Maple, they started playing Maple. I made a hotmail and started using msn messenger. I even volunteered to make accounts for my friends. They refused. Whats the point, they asked. Now everyone has one. I made a blo more than two years ago.Now they start having blogs. You guys are slow, no offense. Look. This is when i made my first post. (And this isn't even my first blog! I deleted the previous one) 
And this is the amoutn of posts I have to date, not counting this one.
And this is my second email address. i used to use some other email.
TIME TO GET A LIVEJOURNAL, PEOPLE.epik till the death of me; 9:56 PM Friday, November 07, 2008 I may be moving to Vietnam. For two years. VIETNAM. No offense, but it brings up images of farmers and endless rice fields. We previously discussed Beijing. Beijing I can handle. Beijing I was excited! But VIETNAM. I can't even type properly now. Its a great job for my dad. A house, a car, a driver (because foreigners aren't allowed to drive in Vietnam) ... INTERNATIONAL SCHOOl, which I've wanted to try out since ages ago. ut I thought all that was in Beijing. Well, that renders a lot of my plans impossible. My korean class. My soon to start japanese class. My guitar class. The exchange student trip program to Japan that I'm determined to get into. What about my dogs? They're the most important things to me. I hardly miss family but I miss my dogs. Its not friends I'm worried about. I make friends easily, though it'll be hard to separate from the friends that I've FINALLY felt comfortable with. But my group is being torn apart already. A few has gone overseas. A few are changing schools. My mind is filled with the silliest thoughts. My name. How will they pronounce my name? Will it be boring? How will i stand that "new at school" feeling? There'll be a lot of Koreans in Vietnam, my dad assures me. YEah, but no concerts are ever held there. WTF If Suju comes to Malaysia and I'm not here? I hate change, how will I ever adapt? And after two years, i'll have to uproot myself and move back here? This is big, and I don't even have time to mentally prepare for it! But its not all confirmed yet. I'll wait for the decision before I freak out.But if its true, i'll be leaving early next year I'll leave it all to fate. epik till the death of me; 9:26 PM Thursday, November 06, 2008 I feel like I'm missing out on the little things in life. I missed countless outings with my friends because I chose to go fangirling or to Korean class. I miss the little sweet memories for those huge ones that'll stay with me for the rest of my life. Is it worth it? Guitar class starts today. I'll finally learn an instrument. I've been writing 24/7 now. I fold into my little shell, ignore the whole world and write nonstop. Ideas sneak into my brain and I have to record it down or it'll stay with me and annoy me until I do. Too bad I can't channel that feeling when I write in my blog. epik till the death of me; 12:34 PM Wednesday, November 05, 2008 Too lazy to write a full fanreport so here's a half assed one. (which is still longer than 50% of the fan accounts out there. The fans around me suck. Seriously. You want them to go to your country, for god's sake show some enthusiasm. Me and my friend were the only ones screaming our heads off. We were even hushed by the korean ahjumma in front of us. Who cares. They need supporters. Everyone around us just looked plain bored and a few of them left halfway through the concert. I SPOTTED A LOT OF YAWNING PEOPLE. The both of us were the only few screaming throughout the concert. I noticed most of the audience was only familiar with one or two artists only.There was also a small number of empty seats. if a free concert isn't filled, how can a paid concert be? still, the concert was good, if not a little too short.Too bad I was seated too far or they would have heard the two of faithfully screaming the names of the singers and singing along to every single song, even if I don't like them. I screamed the names of the Ukiss' members loudly even though I find them juvenile and too boybandish. I thought things would turn out for the better with Wondergirls. They were a little more enthusiastic but still. Junjin came out first. I loved 와 but I had a hard time focusing on 사랑하는 말 because I wasn't familiar with that song. I thought he would sing his debut solo song. Then chaeyeon came out and gave an admittedly brilliant live performance. She kept in tune and didn't make me cringe, so thats great. The only thing is that the lights in the stadium were too freaking bright, making her laser dance lack that punch. Jewelry were next. I like the rapper. She's beautiful and her body is great. They sung Superstar, which is an old Jewelry song. They even displayed images of the old Jewelry members on the screen. 모두 다 쉿 would've been a better choice. Best performance? 2pm, no contest. It was the first performance that got me truly excited. Junsu spoke English! How adorable! The song stuck with me long after the performance ended.I screamed each boy's name, earning me dirty looks from the other audience who actually YAWNED during Jaebum's amazing black flip. I almost killed my throat screaming 10점만 중에 10점! At that time, the ahjumma beside me started inching away from me to a) avoid my screams and b)avoid my frantic waving of the lightstick Kim Jong Wook was better looking than I thought. He's still as stiff as ever. You'll think that debuting for almost a year would make him comfortable. I wish he'd sung Poor love. VOS were wonderful. Omg their voices are love. I don't think Singaporeans like them much because there wasn't much cheering until Beautiful Life. I screeched Hyunjoong's name because darn, he's just so pretty! Why they put Ukiss at the back I don't know. They should've put someone with more fame. Before the concert I went around talking to people and most were like, ukiss who? At least Leo (?) managed English. Well, he should, considering his lineage.They looked surprisingly tall when they walked past Andy. But then again, Andy isn't exactly a giant either. Andy came out and oh, his songs are so gay and he went off tune and you call that dancing? But I loved him <3 he did his heart dance! The girls Wondergirls were the last, no surprise there. It struck me again, the tremendous pressure on these young girls. Obviously half the stadium were there for them. The mics were off and the girls sounded more squeaky than on tv. And I was right, Sohee can't keep in tune. At least the audience screamed 어머나 loud enough. Sohee and Yoobin were the most popular but I like Sunmi. They had long flowing wigs that must have been really hot and their dresses looked too tight to be comfortable. The poor girls had to carry their mike stands on and off stage by themselves. You know what sucks the most? When the concert ended, all the stars came out on stage to say goodbye and HALF THE STADIUM STARTED LEAVING. I found that amazingly rude. Labels: fan account epik till the death of me; 5:23 PM
► I don't know why I did this either. I was supposed to have a school trip on the 4th but obviously I blew it off even though I paid, lying that I was sick. It's a 5 hour busride. Sure I've been to Singapore before- multiple times. But each time, my parents or my teachers were present, hustling us from place to place in a car or a rented bus. Now its just me and her taking public transportation by ourselves. We live in Malaysia. We DRIVE to the nearest convenience store that's a 5 minute walk away. Smart girls that we are, we managed. First we went to Vivo City and realised it wasn't the huge pretty mall as advertised. Then we went to Suntec City and collected our kpop tickets. With nothing left to do, we popped into a ktv and sang karaoke for almost three hours. We improvised brilliantly by holding our mp3s to the mikes due to the lack of Korean songs, probably causing any passerby to wonder if the ktv stocked mirotic. The next day we wandered around Orchard Road and Bugis Street.A few tourists actually asked ME for directions and to my delight, I could answer them. Oh, and my wallet was lost. MY Identification Card TOO. Damn. Details about the concert in the next post. Labels: fan account epik till the death of me; 5:05 PM Saturday, November 01, 2008 Yay! I'm excited! So I may be going to the Singapore Korean Concert. Just me. And a barely legal friend (hi, you!) the response range from, "Are you fuckin' mad?" to "You are one crazy girl" but hey, when I'm old and wrinkly, these are the things I'll remember. epik till the death of me; 10:38 PM |