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About Me  jiaqian → fangirl. insane. beware. → am a little twisted, and a lot disturbing, but once you look past the insaneness, i'm quite interesting. → this is a mostly a place for me to wax horrible poetry and post cryptic rants that no one will understand but of late it has evolved into yet another angsty diary. but the last time i checked, that's what blogs are for. →also, lots of typos since i'm normally high (on life, not crack!), tipsy or depressed when i write my posts. seriously. → profanity galore. honest raw emotions. are you squirmy when it comes to emotions? → slightly unhinged. dancing on the edge yet in control. perfection is overrated. The likes ♥
kpop. k-indie. k-hiphop. uljjangs. k-models. the boy in header: model kang cheolwoong Links
my fic journalflavors Friends
Amanda/Pei Yun Chy Yun Debbie Euwing Gabby Jia Ying Jinzhi Muayyad Nadiah PhuiYee, Yeevon Samantha Seayunn Siauthung Yiwen YiLin Yishuen The others
Credits Layout design by Eefennie. edited by mua. | Sunday, October 31, 2010 don't we look smart ^ ^ 
오늘 졸업했어용 ~!!! :)
the classmates :D
and then we went for lunch ♥
time sure flies ;A;it's been 5 years. adios. au revior. till we see again. epik till the death of me; 2:14 AM Sunday, October 24, 2010 this girl. she's mindblowing. she's beautiful. inside out. i would love to date her. and i'm straight. i really really like her. she's amazing. she's the PERFECT girl. men of the world, i mourn your loss, because she likes girls. she's only 18, and yet she's so wise. i love her hair, i love her eyes, i love her voice, i love her spirit, i love her personality. i've never seen anyone so perfect and amazing. 80% the people on the internet are absolute idiots, but she's a rare jewel. if the whole world was like her, the world. would be wonderful. i want to change myself for the better. but god, i know that no matter how much i try, she'll still be better than me, because you can change your appearance, you can change your mannerisms, but you can't change your soul. my inspiration ♥ ps. please, you have to check out this video. what it means to be a lesbian. i've always been supportive of all kinds of love, and i wish everyone thinks like her. epik till the death of me; 8:49 PM Friday, October 22, 2010 i read an article with some interesting comments the other day. the article was about the difference between singlish and manglish. while interesting and enlightening (i myself, think manglish is "softer" than singlish, as in the words we use don't sound quite as rude and in your face, because we use less hokkien curse words :P), the thing that drew my attention the most was the comments. a number of people spoke of having to adopt this way of speaking after years abroad because their english, though being what would be considered proper in western countries, was laughed at here. their classmates/colleages/friends simply couldn't understand their accents and their way of words. they also spoke too fast. as a result, they had to adapt to speaking manglish (basically, butcher their english) to be, or feel, accepted. this i find ironic, because i know many people would love to have a foreign accent. to some extent, i can relate to these feelings. it never was my habit to speak or type in manglish. i used to joke that i died a little inside everytime i type something like "woi dun be like that la." an exaggeration, but an apt one. but then people started calling me stuck up and said that the way i talked made it seem like i was making fun of their english. at first i ignored it, then i realised (after a handful of people pointing the same thing out) that it was why less and less people talked to me online. apparently, they couldn't stomach decent english. i can't call my english perfect but for a while, i was really concious of whatever i wrote on msn. sometimes i would make two or three edits, just to make it seem like my words were at their level. i didn't particularly like the idea of myself writing like that, but as they say, when in rome, do as romans do. eventually i got into the habit of it. only to certain people though. some people might ask why. why change yourself to suit them? i don't think of it that way. in my opinion, i learnt to adapt. epik till the death of me; 10:36 PM Sunday, October 17, 2010  pic from debbie because i haven't uploaded the pics from my camera yet. and i didn't tell her that i took this haha. so the usual: waited under the sun and rain for hours, showcase started late, got impatient, talked too much, grew tired, made a dash for the entrance and secured seats. the stage was pretty crappy, but the stadium was small, so it was alright. their entrance was no frills, because we could see them walking up the stairs! but damn, they were hot. obviously. and every note was basically perfect. a few times, junsu and jaejoong fell to their knees when hitting the high notes. jaejoong looked like he enjoyed himself, from the way his body moved to the music. during... ayy girl, i think? while yoochun was singing, junsu and jaejoong went to the corners of the stage with a dancer. i kept my binoculars trained on junsu and dayummmm i liked what i saw. junsu basically gyrated against the male dancer and the equally enthusiastic dancer ran his hands over junsu. junsu then stuffed the mic in the dancer's face and the dancer mouthed the words to yoochun's part. oh my, so much boy on boy it was killing me. i glanced away from the binoculars, only to catch the other dancers taking jaejoong's jacket off o.o did i mention jae's muscles? them guns... junsu's can't even compare. yoochun spoke english throughout! but really cute chungrish. when he introduced himself, he added, "it's been a while since we came here. what, 4? 5?" 4, 5 WHAT. he never did complete that sentence haha. during the interview, yoochun introduced the album in english... and mispronounced kanye lol. and the way he said rodney jerkins was just plain weird. he FORGOT the name of their choreographer and had to glance at the other two to check. he just mumbled through the whole thing and trailed off a lot. they promised a concert next year, and when asked when, the boys kinda huddled together to discuss. finally, jae said shyly in english: "summer?", to which the host replied "well, jaejoong seems to have forgotten it's summer all year round here!" only yoochun laughed, because again, fail translator is fail. when the host asked if the girls in malaysia was hot, junsu said yes in english. the host warned jae that fans from other countries would be pissed if he said yes, and he kinda rubbed his arms and became all shy. in the end he dodged the question and said the weather is hot, in korean. the host replied, "well that's why the girls here are hotter", and yoochun actually laughed and clapped! all in all, yoochun talked the most. jaejoong attempted a few one word answers and used konglish, like when he introduced found, "the next song is 찾았다!" junsu kept quiet. i think he only spoke when he introduced himself, and to answer one or two questions. it was over in a flash. ONE HOUR! just six songs. and the interview section was painfully short. even yoochun seemed surprised and asked, "oh, this is the last question?" for the amount of money we paid, i feel... bleh. but sigh, i guess it isn't their fault. at least we get to see them again. after i came home, i looked in the mirror and oh my! 
I'M A LOBSTER AHHHHH.i'm so fucking itchy omg. and my skin is throbbing all over. SUNBUUUUURN. Labels: fan account epik till the death of me; 8:11 PM Saturday, October 16, 2010 JYJ TOMORROW! 완전 기대ING :D 5명이 무대에서 있으면 더 좋아할텐데 … anyway, always keep the faith! 동방신기 012. ps. MY LIGHTSTICK DIED ON ME D: pps. 준수가 지금 왜케 멋있어???? epik till the death of me; 10:59 PM Thursday, October 14, 2010 hi, i am madelyn. jiaqian to the world, madelyn to the online community (and to anyone that can't pronounce my name). call me jq, call me yours, call me anything you want. i'm a picky eater, not because i count my calories, which i don't, but because i am a fussy person in general. i simply don't like to eat. i also hate sleeping, because there are so many things we can do in the time spent replenishing our energy. what if technology became so advanced that sleep could be replaced with an energy pill? i guess that wouldn't work, because we'll all be high strung and suicide rates will skyrocket. the last thing we need is more depressed suicidal people. so i guess sleep is good. if only the world could synchronize itself with my internal clock (or is it the other way around?), so that i'm awake when i have to be and asleep when i should be. or maybe i should move to a country that starts its day at midnight and blows out the candles in the morning. that would be heaven on earth. speaking of which, i don't believe in heaven, because i don't believe in life after death. when we die, i think, the flame extinguishes and we just disappear, living only in memories. how does it feel like to be perfect? it must be awfully tiring. it must also be awfully boring. perfection is the last thing anyone would want because of the sheer amount of suffocating pressure and expectations that accompany it. but i guess if you were perfect, you'll be able to smile and deal with the pressure because if you can't, you wouldn't be perfect. i wish i were amazing, but it takes a certain amount of personality, and a lot of genuine kindness to be that, and i'm not quite sure i have the ability to be anything more than mediocre. it's so rare to find amazing people and i've only met a handful, but that small handful has rendered me speechless with awe and envy. i want to be like them, i want to be them. from my bedroom i can see the stars. no, i lie, because the only window in my room, though it takes up an entire wall, faces the alley, so all i can see are the back of other houses. and the occasional cat. i want to lie back and look at the stars, but i never can here, because it's always cloudy and time never stops long enough for me to blow the clouds away. i did try once, at the world expo in shanghai, where i lay on the grass outside the british pavilion, and god, it was one of the most serene and spectacular feelings in the world. saying that i can't see the stars, that's an excuse, of course. the stars are permanent, they are eternal, always up in the sky, always there. i must not be bothered enough to make the effort. i guess i don't want to star gaze as much as i think i do. words are my life. i live breathe think words. the laptop is my friend, the keyboard is my pen. 90% of the things i write never get posted because if they all were, the internet would flood. Labels: ramble. epik till the death of me; 7:54 PM Sunday, October 10, 2010 sometimes i think that we are all pawns in the game of life. that maybe our lives mean nothing but entertainment to some other form of life. we are a bunch of characters thrown on the setting called earth. like an ant farm, but magnified to an incomprehensible magnitude. somewhere out there, superior beings watch us with amusement. we are confined in a glass globe of some sort -do they have glass?- and maybe they take bets on how one's life will turn out. some of them will grow attached to a particular human and dream of forbidden love. some of them sacrifice themselves to improve the lives of a human. some of them wreck havoc and make disasters befall earth. how will the humans pull through? how will the humans survive? how will the humans crash and burn? 6 billion stories panned out, just waiting for the right spectator. they are not aliens; we are. we do not have a life; we are merely characters in a meticulously planned out never ending show. no matter what you do, big brothers watching you. interesting theory, no? ... for humans to believe that we are the only intelligent beings on this earth, that would be awfully arrogant of us. who knows, there might be thriving communities of "aliens" already making contact with each other. we do not have the technology to find them, and we are too trifle for them to find us. ah, how small we are. epik till the death of me; 7:51 PM Thursday, October 07, 2010 to mysterious boy #1, they're trying to find out your identity. they'll never know. kekeke. love, to scandalized girl, it doesn't matter if you did it. it's in the past. i still love the fuck out of you. may you stay strong and may your career survive. love, to my other half halfway around the world, i wish i could be more supportive. you send me snail mail and postcards and i return nothing. i promise that i'll shower you with mail come december, just in time for christmas and your birthday. love, to tajinyo up yours. not so much love, to father of one, it doesn't matter that you have a family, or that you're on hiatus, or that the world is doubting you when you're innocent. respect lasts forever, and honour shines true in times of turbulence. love, to the one with the messed up sleep schedule, look. buck up, alright? grow some self confidence. and for god's sake, shut the hell up. love,>/p> to santa claus, please send me doojoon with a bow around his neck. only a bow around his neck. love, Labels: letters. epik till the death of me; 10:55 PM Monday, October 04, 2010 this is a post showcasing my creepy fangirly possibilities. in other words, 7 reasons why i need a life. and a boyfriend. → hi wes of wongfu, this may sound entirely weird and stalkerish, but i'm crazily in love with your voice. could you please just come here... and talk. forever. your voice alone could make me swoon. and dear god i kind of really like you. yes. really really. → song joongki you are absolutely adorable in sungkyungkwan scandal, what with all the pouts and interesting expressions. i haven't seen much, but i find it interesting so far. if only your fail music bank partner miss seo wasn't in it. → kiseob, you are a boring person on entertainment shows. however that can all be forgiven because i saw the album concept photos and ARMS OF SEX! them guns... how hard did you push yourself and how badly did you starve? being the last member of the team you probably feel like you need to prove yourself, but your uljjang status alone has earned you quite a following so slack a little on the tight regime okay? → junhyung. damn boy, with each album you just grow hotter. you're not handsome in the way dongwoon with his well defined features is, or beautiful like the delicate hyunseung, but to me you're the one who catches my eye. your personality, or what i can perceive of it, is like wax to my own water, but we're talking about eyecandy, not life partners, so compatibility doesn't matter. → minwoo, or should i say dongjoo. yes, i'm addressing your character. so you're immortal, miho is immortal, does it not make sense that the both of you get busy and make tiny invincible babies? i mean, now neither of you will die on each other, and fuck yes EVERLASTING YOUTH AND BEAUTY! plus you obviously have the hots for the foxy lady, despite you living in self denial and convincing yourself that it's all out of guilt and goodwill. if that doesn't work, by all means, go for daewoong! that brief fantasy at the aisle conjured up in episode 15 does make my tummy flutter and should definitely be an option to consider. → dongwoon you are so gorgeous no wonder they call you an reincarnation of a greek god, you adonis you, but just let us bask in your beautiful glory and enjoy the visuals in peace. in other words, keep your trap shut. we like to look at you, not listen to you. → and haha the reason i put this last is because rl friends would've lost interest by now and missed this titbit: you would be surprised as to who has been floating around in my mind lately. he's... wait for it, wait for it... a boy from our school! in our form even! i don't like him because ew, he's so... um yeah. but the boy is pretty and he's got a great bod! he's just so nice to look at ;A; so yeah, i've been staring at him in school and since this is the first time i'm revealing interest in any guy around me, friends would be shell shocked. good thing they don't come in here, yeah? epik till the death of me; 10:51 PM Sunday, October 03, 2010 → i am a socially awkward sloth. → went back to my old primary school, lickhung today! i'm glad i went. → i was approached by a cute guy today! this is all terribly exciting, because while i've been hit on by guys before, but not absolutely cute ones! → watching detective dee tomorrow. i'm not the least bit interested, but when the parents beckon, i come a'running. at least it'll be supporting the ole shiwon's bbf/life saver. → fuck i need me some dongjoo. grr, minwoo, get here. now. → There are different places you go to for different needs. If there’s something wrong with your body, go to a gym. If there’s something wrong with your brain, see a psychologist. But if there’s something wrong with your soul, seek music. - Tablo one of the brilliant things he said. proud that you were strong, bby ♥ love and respect forever. → I MADE A ME2DAY! runawaytrain - GO! epik till the death of me; 2:24 AM |