|
About Me  jiaqian → fangirl. insane. beware. → am a little twisted, and a lot disturbing, but once you look past the insaneness, i'm quite interesting. → this is a mostly a place for me to wax horrible poetry and post cryptic rants that no one will understand but of late it has evolved into yet another angsty diary. but the last time i checked, that's what blogs are for. →also, lots of typos since i'm normally high (on life, not crack!), tipsy or depressed when i write my posts. seriously. → profanity galore. honest raw emotions. are you squirmy when it comes to emotions? → slightly unhinged. dancing on the edge yet in control. perfection is overrated. The likes ♥
kpop. k-indie. k-hiphop. uljjangs. k-models. the boy in header: model kang cheolwoong Links
my fic journalflavors Friends
Amanda/Pei Yun Chy Yun Debbie Euwing Gabby Jia Ying Jinzhi Muayyad Nadiah PhuiYee, Yeevon Samantha Seayunn Siauthung Yiwen YiLin Yishuen The others
Credits Layout design by Eefennie. edited by mua. | Saturday, June 30, 2007 I'm so frustrated. I keep questioning the mentability of my friends. They online for the main purpose of chatting online with friends. Fine, so do i, except my friends are 30+ strangers I've never met. But, the WAY they chat. Spam might be a better word for it. They're perfectly content on something like this. A: hi B: u noe ah, dat day hor, xx and xx were acting dam sweet u know! C:really ah? i tell u ah, that xx likes xx, but she duwan say A:ahya, u noe la, they liddat one la. pig C:u leh? so fat and ugly call me pig summore. And then they go on insulting each other and spamming each other for countless more hours. I actually had to rewrite that a few times because I automatically wrote "you" instead of "u" and all those other short forms and the actual correct words. I had to refrain from using perfect grammar. When I reuse to join in their pointless conversation and instead spend my time writing, they accuse me of being "no fun". When I allow them to add me in their conversation, they say chatting with me is "no fun" because i refuse to type their style and instead choose to type long, complicated messages. So i can't help myself and make a few snide remarks, and they call me stupid because I waste time on stupid forums. Um, hello? I'm not the one who types like D1s or Th1S or even THIS. At least I can actually talk to some random stranger on the net about meaningful topics without that person staring at me blankly and losing interest after 5 seconds. Kay, rant over. Oh, and by the way? Lol is not a suitable reply to someone's angry rant. Believe me. Now if only I can get my friends to realise that. Aish. What right do i have to call them my friends? Happy thoughts. Oh baby. =( o3. HyukJae and JunSu bullying DongHae When Donghae first entered SM there weren't that many SM trainees, so he got to know Junsu & Hyukjae & the three of them became like, a clique. The three of them are of the same age & their relationship was pretty good, but because Donghae liked to cry, so everyday Junsu & Hyukjae would plan ways on how to make Donghae cry. So Donghae, who just came from Junnam (?) would be tricked over & over again by the two of them, & he would hide in the washroom & cry. Hyukjae said that at that time, Junsu and he would have planned ahead on what to do to get Donghae to cry, and it always seemed to work Oh, fuck it. he's the reason I'm alive. epik till the death of me; 9:07 PM Friday, June 29, 2007 Isn't playing in the rain the best thing in the world? Unfortunately, I don't get much chances to do so. It hasn't rained in weeks, and when it does rain, its normally thunderstorms. You'll have to be suicidal to play then. When it does drizzle, My mom is around, and she would kill me if ii dared step out of the house. But thats all right, I can make my OWN rain, with the help of my garden hose. So here I am, dripping wet, leaving puddles in the house. If my mom comes home, I'm screwed. You've seen suju's new movie trailer? Its crap. I love it because its crap. Ryeowook is such a nerd in there! Donghae is.. speechless. Why does heechul take up half the trailer anyway? I have, like most people on the net,a love/insult relationship with suju. I LOVE them to the point of madness, but for some reason i love poking fun at them too. aish. i feel bad for doing that sometimes. epik till the death of me; 6:25 PM Thursday, June 28, 2007 
Donghae's new hair is short. i don't like it. Shows his neck too much.
 Oh LOOK! Mini Jaeho love! OMG IM EVIL. Moonbin and Jaejoong's boy that i don't like that much, forgive me! Typing sucks. Just reminds me a little too much of the folio I'm supposed to pass up, oh, today? The only thing keeping me sane is the new upcoming suju movie. epik till the death of me; 7:47 PM Wednesday, June 27, 2007 I can't believe how many pics i have of Inhwan. I'm a child stalker. Yay~! I love watching performance vids because someone is always not there and Donghae takes over all their parts ^^ Just record Miracle with Donghae singing everything! It'll save them SO much time. Ft Island is simply adorable. well, not Junghoon, I don't like him. Minhwans only 15!! And he plays my favourite instrument ever- drums! Jaejin is also so adorable. Hongki looks a little too like Top+kangin for my comfort. epik till the death of me; 6:14 PM Monday, June 25, 2007 SOmeone knows me too well. She posted picspams of Bigbang, Dbsk, suju AND FTIaland in the same thread. Isn't she love? ALL MY FAVOURIE BOYS IN A PAGE!2 *spazzes and dies* epik till the death of me; 11:04 AM Saturday, June 23, 2007 Fanfic. WARNING: Its yaoi, okay? *Yaoi = gay love* I wrote it out of boredom. I'm still in the midst of editing it. Not my best work, and it has a recycled plotline, but whatever. Comment, give me constructive crititism or just insult. Just say something about it. I want to improve my writing. Sigh.. I like short simple sentences, so I don't elaborate and describe much. Thats just a nice way of saying "I don't know how to describe things, sorry." I DO love short halting sentences though. Like Funny. He was quiet. Donghae was never quiet. Hyukjae twisted his head to look at the boy on his back. He was aleep. Hyukjae smiled and hiked the boy a little higher, careful not to touch Donghae's twisted foot, and walked all the way home smiling. Ish. Enough crap. Start with the story. HEAVEN COMES IN THE FORM OF HYUKJAE Donghae buried his head in his arms as he sat on the peaceful beach. So he loved someone. Was that a crime? Okay, the person he loved was a guy, but still he did nothing wrong, right? How would Hyukjae react if he knew I loved him? Be disgusted probably, then kick me from the band. Donghae thought bitterly. Heck, he was disgusted with HIMSELF. I just want to end this. There were many ways. Pills, jumping off a building, slitting his wrists, messing up Heechul's hair, to name a few. Those were so messy. He wanted something quick and relatively easy. He lifted his head up and an idea came to him. The ocean. Quick, painless, easy. Perfect. He stood up and went over to the edge of the sea, letting the waves lap softly at his feet. Should I? Shouldn't I? He hesitated, then walked slowly into the waves, allowing it to wash over him. He walked deeper and deeper into the sea. The water was freezing cold and he shivered slightly as the waves engulfed him. He took one last look at the beach and let himself slip underwater. Seawater entered his lungs. His body automatically started kicking, swimming to the surface, he stopped himself. His instincts told him to go up for air, but he stubbornly stayed under water. The water swallowed him and he lost concious. He woke up, coughing up water, with someone's lips against his. Am I in heaven? He wondered. "He's alive!" The lips left his. He recognised that voice. The blurry face in front of him cleared. Hyukjae? Well, I AM in heaven. Hyukjae hugged him tightly, tears running down his face. "I thought I lost you!" "So I'm not dead?" Donghae asked weakly. "Of course not, dumbass!" Hyukjae snapped. Aw man, I've always wanted to see what heaven looked liked. Hey! Hyukjae's arms are still around me! Donghae smiled blissfully for a moment, refusing to think about the complications that would certainly follow. Then Hyukjae spoke up softly, "why?" "Why what?" Donghae asked, the smell of Hyukjae's soap affecting his ability to think clearly. Hyukjae used banana scented soap. It said so on the bottle. How exactly do bananas smell like? Hyukjae gestured to the ocean "Why THIS?" Donghae's happiness quickly evaporated. "I.." Should I tell the truth? Part of him said yes, but another part of him screamed no. If he said it, it would surely affect their relationship. DON'T MESS THIS UP. Suddenly, Donghae felt tired. He didn't want to keep it a secret anymore. He decided to just say what he had wanted to say for years, because even if Hyukjae didn't want him, he would go easy on a suicidal guy, right? "Because I love you." As the words left his lips, Donghae felt happier, as if a huge stone had been lifted off him. So what if Hyukjae rejected him? He didn't have to keep this big secret anymore. He looked at his hyung's face carefully. A flurry of emotions flew past Hyukjae's face. Surprise, shock, relief and finally, happiness. What? Relief? Happiness? He could have read it wrong. But Donghae was always very sensitive to emotions. He could sense what a person was feeling, ALWAYS. He was especially tuned in to Hyukjae's emotions. No, he could not be wrong. Before Donghae could ponder this properly, he felt Hyukjae's warm moist lips against his. "You could've told me. Idiot." Hyukjae scolded him before moving in for another kiss. You know what? This is better than heaven. ~The end~ Huh. Sucked, I know. Felt a little rushed. You can stop being disgusted with me for writing Yaoi now. You should seriously read fanfics of more.. mature members. Believe me, this is MILD. WAY MILD. This is like, kindergarten stuff. epik till the death of me; 11:22 PM
► The puppy that came to my house, the one we called xiaobai, the one i played with every day is now.. dead. The guard came, told us he was dead, hit by a car. We ran to the street. I saw a white object lying there. I turned and ran back. For the first time in years, I cried in front of someone. WHY? epik till the death of me; 10:05 PM Thursday, June 21, 2007 Its Ryeowook's birthday. The eternal magnae is now one year older! Happy birthday, wookie! hm, I'm not exactly excited like i was for yunho and eunhyuk and all those other boys on their birthdays. Ryeowook is just that little boy in suju i don't notice much. In fact, he ranks as my numbe 12th member, winning over shindong and just barely losing to shiwon. Energy resings an awful lot of korean songs. Se7en's dorawajo, Dbsk's one, Kangta songs.. I was scrolling through a list of korean songs that taiwanese artists resang(copied, adapted, whatever) and there were at least 7 Energys in them. epik till the death of me; 8:54 PM Wednesday, June 20, 2007 They were passing around a paper that had all our marks and rankings, and suddenly everyone was congradulating me. What? 1. Gan Jia Qian. Total marks:1003. Averge 84.? Ye, I placed first. Instead of some normal person's reaction which would be "HELLO, new bike!" I thought "OH NO!" What if i get placed into the first class??? I seriously considered doing worse for my next exam so i would be with my friends. SNIFF. epik till the death of me; 10:42 AM Tuesday, June 19, 2007 My friends don't appreciate my writing. Said one friend, "I opened the window, saw so many words and immediately turned it off." Imagine my kitty ears drooping as i slink to a corner to lick my wounds. suju's movie 꽃미남연쇄테러사건's plot In this comic thriller, Kim Ki Bum is a blogger who documents serial murders that takes place on the 14th of every month and he predicts that one of the three pretty boys at “Always Blue High School” (늘파란외고) will be the next victim. These three pretty boys are played by Choi Si Won as the class president, Kang In - the captain of the Judo team and Kim Hee Chul - the leader of a dance club. The movie is expected to open in theaters in August - just in time for summer vacation so Elves can watch the movie five times a day for an entire month to boost ticket sales. When i heard it'll be in theaters, my first response wasn't "YAY now the whole of korea can know suju!". Instead it was "Oh shit, now the whole of korea+netizens all over the world will laugh at suju and their horrible acting." I love suju, I'm so crazy over them, but it doesnt mean i am absolutely blind to their faults. Needless to say, I am not expected much out of this movie. If its like Vacation, then the boys better be prepared for critics. Hopefully, it won't be so bubbly cotton candy sweet as Vacation. I FINISHED GOONG T! HYUK! HOW COULD YOU? AND YOU WEAR CALVIN KLEIN BOXERS!! *spazzz* epik till the death of me; 8:04 PM Sunday, June 17, 2007 "EUNHYUK WANGJA! WEH? OTTOKE, WEH?" Quote darling Sungmin aka Lady Heebin from GoongT. Oh my god, Hyuk is so scrumptious. That part is so funny! Hyuk said he beat up someone, sungmin went "WHY? YOU ARE A PRINCE!How could you do it with these pretty hands? You could've asked a servant to do it for you." Then, my idiotic computer hung. Nice. My aunt, whom I've never seen before, came up to me and my sis at a family gathering and said "You're learning Korean too? Oh, I'm in intermediate 3! I'm applying for a scholarship to chungname taehakgyo(chungnam university)!" She's just 20, by the way. I am now determined to finish all 9 levels of classes. It'll take me 2 years at least, but i must!! sniff.  epik till the death of me; 9:01 PM Saturday, June 16, 2007 I will now spazz. OH MY GOD OH MY GOD! The camera focused so much on eunhyuk! and donghae is so hot! kibum, shiwon and eunhyuk hugged! God, i waited 5 hours to see them! ah ah ah! eunhyuk is so hot!! Everyone must think he's the leader by now because he solo danced a lot. Donghae touched the people in the audience twice! I think i just fell in love with eunhyuk all over again! AHHHH! He's my second fav now! I can't make him my first because Hae is always my first, no matter what! Okay. I'm done spazzing. *slinks away meekly* But seriously, the boy is hot. Ps. YAY! A korean guy won best male artist! He(how do you spell his name?) even said "Appa, omma, saranghaeyo!" Oh my. this boy is.. *speechless* 
 I love this series. 
Please, kill me before i die of happiness. I have the stupidest little grin on my face.epik till the death of me; 10:54 PM Friday, June 15, 2007 TOP shaved his hair for a mv. Darling, why must you be so dedicated? I like hair. HAve you heard of the new suju movie coming out? It has the gayest name. Of course, what else can you expect from a 13 member boyband? Brace yourself. Okay, here goes: 'Beautiful Flower Men Terror Event Series' Wtf? What kind of name is that? flower men and terror doesnt exactly go in the same sentence. Probably sounds a lot better in korean since flower men(kottnamja or however you romanize it) means pretty boys, for example, jaejoong. epik till the death of me; 8:41 AM Tuesday, June 12, 2007 Let us all laugh at suju singing chinese. Everyone sounds weird, even chinaman himself, hankyung. And once we're done making fun of their chinese, we can make fun of their hair!  See that guy with the bright red hair and the bandanna thingy covering his eyes? yeah, thats heechul. He's probably hoping that if he can't see everyone, everyone can't see his horrible hair. And the fierce looking little boy with the orange hair? Ryeowook doesn't look boyish anymore. And talk about unnatural looking hair colour, Sungmin! They said donghae has a new hairstyle too, but I'm like "what new hairstyle? isn't this the same as the one before? like fullhouse days? before he let his hair grow, and grow and grow?" Donghae, don't ever dye your hair. ever. im serious. epik till the death of me; 9:16 PM Monday, June 11, 2007 Let me read your mind: You're a big fan of my writing and was so happy when i wrote everyday then I dissapeared for 5 days. What gives? I'm thinking its not that. I want to write, but i dont have the time. i'll edit this post soon. very soon. to make up for it, heres some pics! 
me love my little junsu, i mean, seungri. and heres the real junsu with his hubby, yoochun epik till the death of me; 12:09 PM Thursday, June 07, 2007 Yay pepero day! Nevermind its 5 months too early. What, you don't know pepero day? Pepero (빼빼로) is a cookie stick, dipped in chocolate syrup, manufactured by Lotte in Korea. Pepero Day is a marketing idea invented by the makers of the popular snack. On this day, people buy boxes of Pepero to give to their lovers, teachers, classmates, coworkers, and pets. The date was chosen because November is the eleventh month of the year. The numerical date for November 11th (11/11) resembles four Pepero sticks. Shop windows are decorated with hearts and "Give Pepero to the special people in your life" signs.Brilliant idea, huh? For the shop owners and Lotte company. But since its korean, I fully intend to celebrate it. I even bought pepero! 
They cost a ridiculously huge amount for a couple of biscuit sticks, but I was assured they were a collecters item.
See? PEPERO.
Note to self: find more ridiculous korean holidays to celebrate.epik till the death of me; 6:47 PM Wednesday, June 06, 2007 The world sickens me. "A few months ago, there was a girl on Star King that lost 40kg like really fast when she dieted. Apparently, her friends said that when she posted a picture of her and Kangin (he was a guest on that particular show), a whole bunch of Suju fans attacked her and she commited suicide." Losing that much weight is bound to make you emotionally unstable. but still, fans scare me. ELFs are becoming worse than cassiopeians. fans like those give us a bad name. I've been watching discovery channel a lot lately. Blame my brother, he controls the remote. I'm fully aware of all the things going on, natural disasters, murders and other crimes, global warming, war, diseases, political problems. All too aware. I wish I didn't know these things though. For example, all those reports of global warming makes me feel guilty for anything I do, and I don't even waste much water. In fact, I can't stand waste of anything. I have to turn off any unused running tap, which often earns me a dirty look from my very unenviromental friendly friends. ALL RIGHT. ENOUGH WITH THE UNHAPPY THOUGHTS. Think happy thoughts. Gd, Donghae, puppies! 
Why is seungri acting like he hates it? He knows its just a preview of whats happening tonight. GO, MY LEADAH KWON! CSJH- Faith(acapella) ME LOVE! Its cute and they got the pronouncation almost right. Why am I sucha fanfic lovin freak? I'm crazy over them. Honestly, I read so many fanfics I don't even know whats real anymore. I'm a little pouty over the fact that eunhae seems to be history. Hae-anything seems to be scarce these days. All i can find is kihae, which is usually angsty, because you know kibum isn't Mr. Sunshine. Maybe i should stop reading so much, because when the fanfics get angsty, I get angsty. I'm going back to my hometown on friday. To my grandfathers house which has only one fan, no airconditioner or heated water, and only 3 lights in the entire house. I'm awaiting the trip, i need a break. School starting. Please kill me. epik till the death of me; 8:34 PM Tuesday, June 05, 2007 I'm back, but I'm not high yet. The normal time it takes me to get high is 3 hours of non stop kpop. 200 post! WHOOP! PICSPAM TIME! 
More of the biatch, as promised.
my beautiful hae, because i havent posted about him in a long time.
my precious little pop. haha, private joke. ><
Er, darlig? Hate to break it to you, but black nail polish and the middle finger doesn't work with your 12 year old face. Maybe you can pull it off, seeing how you rap and wear all those adorable hoodies I love so much. Plus, you're with a black guy with all that shady dark background.
But your friend donghae here? Pfft. He's the absolute opposite of punk. In fact, he's the most baby faced one here. And he has kibum in the background doing cute faces. Keep your middle finger in and protect your boy next door image, sweetheart, its why i fell in love with you.
My mom refuses to entertain what she calls "my little obsession with those pretty boys" anymore. Probably because I just bought a 1000 piece puzzle of dongbang. Meow.
OMG, i never knew there was so much Gri flying around.Well, its obvious who wears the pants in this relationship. MUAHAHA GD YOU BAD MOLESTER! epik till the death of me; 9:37 PM Monday, June 04, 2007 Guess whos the birthday boy? Of course you know. MICKY YOOCHUN YOU'RE 21!! Plus, to add to this joyous day, Sungmin is the new DJ of Chunji. What a nice surprise. Everyone thought chunji would be over. I wonder how kangin felt when he knew he was to be replaced by his cute little dongsaeng. Poor baby looked so sad on his last day. TVXQs very photogenic and VERY VERY hot. Jaejoong must be the most photogenic guy I've ever seen. he's perfection. I'm on another bigbang cracktastic high again. I swear, they've brainwashed me. I feel like posting pics of my favourite whore-slut-princess-whatever. 
hankyung please let me go back to bed with you? won was a one time thing!
 See? How can you resist me?
 And this is how i look first thing in the morning. Hank looks worse!I'm sleepy. I will be back with more of 
I swear, tomorrow, I will picspam.Okay, fine. ONE LAST PIC> To celebrate my baby's birthday, which will be over in 10 minutes. Actually, in korean time, 1 hour and 10 minutes, but whatev.  epik till the death of me; 9:41 PM Sunday, June 03, 2007 I hate shopping. I'll rather spend all day at home than go out, in fact. I'm happier being alone. GD on the other hand, seems to love shopping. Well, if i had as much taste as him, I would too. People, are just plain annoying, very loud and sometimes a litle overwhelming. Being alone is the best thing in the world. I love it Ah~ I just read through what I've written. No wonder people think I'm weird. XD But with friends like mine, you'll love being alone too. They're so horribly LOUD and perky. Plus, they try to drag you into silly immature games and is forever trying to tell me ghost stories. I'm happy to say that my phone themes have been downloaded a total of -wait, i'll do some calculations- Downloaded:53+111+49+90+73+67+16+17+14+18+19= ? 527 times. *smiles with pride* It could've been more. but i made a few bigbang ones, and they don't go down well. Not enough BB fans out there. epik till the death of me; 8:57 PM Saturday, June 02, 2007 Its been wet and gloomy and dark all day and I'm home alone. I need a hug.Muahahaha Eunteuk is adorable. They actually know more BSB songs than me.Whats makes it even sweeter is their fobby accents and horrible mispronouncation. *hugs them for good try* Plus, Eunhyuks has yummy hair. You've noticed how all of the boys look like they need a haircut badly lately? I guess without any activities, theres no point in dressing up. You know, I would kill to be korean. If only I were born so. Unfortunately, I'm not and I only understand basic Korean so I have to rely on subs. The worst thing is, I can't download huge stuff. I want to watch Bigbang's documentary but theres no subbed ones. I would KILL to be korean. WHY AREN'T I KOREAN? I would stalk those boys so bad... Being Japanese isn't bad either, since everyone seems to be going to japan. AISH, I NEED my Bigbang dorkiness. I NEED IT!!!! Sub bigbang's documentaries. Please? YB never had a girlfriend, lmao. I think YGs very smart, releasing a documentary like this before their debut, sparking interest in netizens. Why doesn't taiwan do things like this? A banjun, a reality show... I love Donghae. I love Gdragon. I love Junsu. My 3 loves from my 3 favourite bands. I love Hyukjae. I love Seungri. I love -damn, i can't choose. i love them all.- Yoochun. My second love. I love spamming. epik till the death of me; 8:38 PM Friday, June 01, 2007 Today, I've decided I shall be like all those people and blog about my day. If you can't beat em, join em? I'm gonna try a day in their shoes and see how it feels. Please skip this crap filled post. Yay I have had an email for 3 years. written on my personal settings: "Registered since: May 29, 2004 | 3 year anniversary!" I went to the dentist today. I apologise for not camwhoring in front of the office and not asking my sis to take pictures of the entire check up as I am supposed to-Damn, is the sarcastic phase back?-. I have perfect teeth, I'm told. Heck, I even won the best teeth award twice in a row when I was in primary school. I'm not joking, unfortunately. It was particularly traumatising for me to stand in front of the entire audience of approximately 4000 people and grin. You know what I got? A toothbrush, toothpaste and a bar of soap. Yay me. My friends have been trying to get me to learn how to play badminton and basketball for weeks. Years actually, if you count the friends back in my old school. I've been making excuses, but I'm going to be running out of excuses soon. How many times can my cousin have a birthday and why can i still online when I'm supposedly in some shopping mall somewhere? Okay, obviously I haven't gotten this chat about your day right because I end up talking about everything but my day. With practice I'll perfect it! Now, back to my favourite topic these days.. GD!  All right, this is seungri, but he's too hot. I had to. Now for GD! Damn, I love him. i found pictures of his supposed girlfriend. He is a person. He has a life. he has the right to have a girlfr- I AM GOING TO TRACK THAT GIRL DOWN AND RIP HER HEAD OFF! I found a malaysian bigbang fan. unfortunately she's 23 and if I pmed her that would be stalking. epik till the death of me; 8:18 PM |