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About Me  jiaqian → fangirl. insane. beware. → am a little twisted, and a lot disturbing, but once you look past the insaneness, i'm quite interesting. → this is a mostly a place for me to wax horrible poetry and post cryptic rants that no one will understand but of late it has evolved into yet another angsty diary. but the last time i checked, that's what blogs are for. →also, lots of typos since i'm normally high (on life, not crack!), tipsy or depressed when i write my posts. seriously. → profanity galore. honest raw emotions. are you squirmy when it comes to emotions? → slightly unhinged. dancing on the edge yet in control. perfection is overrated. The likes ♥
kpop. k-indie. k-hiphop. uljjangs. k-models. the boy in header: model kang cheolwoong Links
my fic journalflavors Friends
Amanda/Pei Yun Chy Yun Debbie Euwing Gabby Jia Ying Jinzhi Muayyad Nadiah PhuiYee, Yeevon Samantha Seayunn Siauthung Yiwen YiLin Yishuen The others
Credits Layout design by Eefennie. edited by mua. | Sunday, July 31, 2011 god, arms. veiny arms. jawlines. damn it. ARMS AND JAWLINES AND DIMPLES. epik till the death of me; 11:33 PM Sunday, July 24, 2011 in light of my alarming blood sugar level (i have a sweet tooth, heh) i decided to go on a sugarless diet. today was supposed to be my first day but i completely forgot :( breakfast was three fluffy pancakes (that i made myself!) drizzled with a gazillion pounds of honey and butter. lunch was a grape smoothie+cheese baked rice and when i got home i ate 6 chocolate covered caramel filling cookies. i'm pretty sure that i've already reached my daily sugar limit but meowwww i love sweet things ;A; still, i seriously need to cut down on my sugar intake. really really. it's almost borderline as it is and i eat candy more than i eat my main meals. this post is to provide a black and white reminder for myself. STOP EATING CANDY. ps. mtv world stage tonight :DDDD but i'm lazy :( epik till the death of me; 2:21 PM Monday, July 18, 2011 watching the illionaire ustream chat now. i cannot even describe how cute dok2 is /cries forever and here's where i become the kind of fake fan that all true hiphop fans hate. i'm sorry, i like your music, i BUY your music, but i have to admit that i'm a superficial bitch. aw dok2 is cutie he's like a puppy. why am i being like this /sobs he's chomping down on a chocopie and he's squishy i wannt hug him. someone mentioned that zino is the "visual" of illionaire and dok2 said that he only chooses guys that are good looking. then someone asked how zino entered illionaire and dok2 said that zino paid to enter illionaire- oops, that's a secret. xD HIS FAVOURITE BASKIN ROBBINS FLAVORS ARE CHOCOLATE CHIP AND RAINBOW SHERBET. EEK MY HEART FLUTTERS WHEN I PICTURE THE MIDGET DIGGING INTO MY FAVOURITE SHERBET FLAVOUR. and fuck they're calling fans right now but i can't access the chatbox. FUCKMYLIFE imma kill a bish now. shit i've spent an hour watching this so i'll better stop. epik till the death of me; 9:00 PM Saturday, July 16, 2011 i once said that i don't regret anything i do because i made my choices and i can't regret my own choices. yes, i don't really regret anything. to regret is to have "a feeling of sadness or disappointment because of something that has happened or something that you have done or not done". if we stick by that defintion, i've never felt regret. to have regrets is to not enjoy the present and i love where i am right now. but i love love love questions like are you happy? how would you like today to turn out to be? if you could do something without thinking about the consequences, what would it be? and what is your biggest life regret? so here i am, snuggled in bed with an ice cold beer and the laptop balanced on my lap, searching through my head for anything that could be a regret. (i spilled a bit. there's beer in my pillow gdi) my biggest regret is. no, let me rephrase that. my biggest regrets are- letting go of the numerous friendships in my life. letting that one extra insulting comment slip every single time. that i never wrote a book. and i never will, despite the long years ahead of me. not going to national service. not saying yes to the boy that asked. the fact that i want that boy only NOW because he moved on. that it took me 14 years to realise that it's okay to cry- crying is a liberating feeling. losing $SD400 in singapore, and my identification card along with it. not building a friendship solid enough that i can't live without that person. chickening out on the idea of taking a year off from college to volunteer as a research assistant taking care of penguins. breaking one too many promises. telling one too many lies. abandoning my piano and guitar lessons. quitting the track team. not applying for the AFS scholarship. not giving a damn enough about every single friendship i have. making her cry. not changing the world. not changing your world. being a absolute hypocrite, and seeing the look of disappointment in your eyes when you realized that. turning down a huge position in high school because i shy away from responsibility. learning how to curse. and more. epik till the death of me; 11:14 PM Monday, July 11, 2011 yesterday was my birthday and i was really really touched by my friends. sobs i have the best friends ever and i love them. what would i be without you guys? i'm glad you're still so good to me even when i'm being a pms-ing bitch ♥ one of the best presents of the day omg yi-li i love you so much i do. 
my cake had korean words on it! my friends said that the cake guy went o__o when they showed him what to write. but hey, at least the dude wrote korean for once in his life :DDDD epik till the death of me; 9:20 PM Saturday, July 09, 2011 i'm turning 18 tomorrow and i'm not particularly looking forward to it. i look forward to my birthday, yes, but not to the fact that come a few days i will no longer be a juvenile. suddenly i'm thrust into the world of adults, with the safety net completely severed. people are less forgiving once you're an adult. when you do stupid things, they don't shake their head and blame those crazy hormones, they narrow their eyes and tell you that you should've known better. aside from being able to drink legally now, there isn't much of a difference- i've always been drinking anyway. still, i'm comforted by the fact that i've wisened up in the past year, with many relevations that changed my perceptions of everything. at the same time though, i'm mourning the lost of MORE innocence. i don't mean that i've flirted with the wrong side of the law or done some sexual exploration, i mean it in the sense that with each year that passes i become more cynical, until it's hard to enjoy the small things in life anymore. but really, being innocent, when did i stop? i was always a precocious child, and a sensible one at that. i was the kid your mother compared you to, the one everyone hates. adults loved me, but looking back, i think i was a horrible kid. as a child i knew more than i had to, and i would have long discussions with the adults about hard topics, and they would marvel at what i knew, but you could tell that they thought that i was a bit hard to digest. i remember wondering when i was younger, if a 10-year old child can tell that what's happening is fucked up and wrong, why couldn't the adults? i quickly understood that monetary gains easily won over moral conscience and that's why having a lot of money never meant much for me. when i quote for my choices for a desired career, people often ask me, "but that doesn't pay much? why not become a dentist?" it never made sense to me, that question. yes, i could become a dentist, but i would be miserable all through medical school, become an even more miserable intern and slowly go crazy staring into other people's mouths. but it may be unfair for me to say that i listen to my heart rather than my wallet. i live a comfortable life and i've never known what's it's like to NEED money. once, we were struggling to make ends meet, but that is ancient history and now we're on the upper fringes of middle class. i'm not quite qualified to say that i don't find money as important. ah, i have rambled quite a bit. it feels good to write again. sometimes i feel like i carry myself like an old timer. as someone once told me, you're like an old soul trapped in a young body. i agree. epik till the death of me; 9:47 AM |