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About Me  jiaqian → fangirl. insane. beware. → am a little twisted, and a lot disturbing, but once you look past the insaneness, i'm quite interesting. → this is a mostly a place for me to wax horrible poetry and post cryptic rants that no one will understand but of late it has evolved into yet another angsty diary. but the last time i checked, that's what blogs are for. →also, lots of typos since i'm normally high (on life, not crack!), tipsy or depressed when i write my posts. seriously. → profanity galore. honest raw emotions. are you squirmy when it comes to emotions? → slightly unhinged. dancing on the edge yet in control. perfection is overrated. The likes ♥
kpop. k-indie. k-hiphop. uljjangs. k-models. the boy in header: model kang cheolwoong Links
my fic journalflavors Friends
Amanda/Pei Yun Chy Yun Debbie Euwing Gabby Jia Ying Jinzhi Muayyad Nadiah PhuiYee, Yeevon Samantha Seayunn Siauthung Yiwen YiLin Yishuen The others
Credits Layout design by Eefennie. edited by mua. | Wednesday, September 30, 2009 dear jbomb, i love you so so so much and you've backflipped your way into my heart but you were right. they're nuts. RUN. the poor kid is probably headesking right now. i just want some peace and quiet. /bawls ;A; epik till the death of me; 5:11 PM Tuesday, September 22, 2009 ... is this the same industry i fell in love with? i loved kpop back then because i was sick of the sexual inneundos and repetitive beats in all the songs. girls actually WORE CLOTHES, thank you very much. and now... - the music sucks. (don't say it doesn't because you know it does) - (songs openly talk about sex. remember a certain MINOR singing, "lets make love tonight... get close to me roughly don’t stop"?) - because obviously, sex appeal>talent. who needs to sing when you can strip? (i'm looking at you, gahee. or afterschool in general) - though at the same time, censorship is getting ridiculous. (crystal is so obviously referring to sperm. BAN THE SONG) - the clothes are getting weirder. (its not FASHION, kids. you're wearing a raccoon on your head. period.) - not to mention rarer. (miryo sweetheart, don't wear your barely there leather pants when you can't pull it off) - tv networks are getting desperate. (like hey, lets have a show where junjin takes care of 3 wild minors!) - and really petty. (you promised you'll come on my show and you don't so imma boycott your whole company!) - netizens are going crazy. (you've killed careers, people, relationships and dreams, started rumours and fights, made countless people depressed. fuck off and get a life.) - fans are batshit too. (let's rent a jet to fly messages through the sky in seattle because 7-1=0!!!!) i feel silly because i feel the way people feel when their family/friends/lovers change. you know those stories where one day you wake up and realize you no longer know the person next to you, that he or she is a virtual stranger? yeah :| Labels: rant. epik till the death of me; 6:19 PM Monday, September 21, 2009 you are.what? i don't even know. i've been having dreams for the past weeks of a faceless boy. in my dreams his face is so clear and touch so real but when i wake up the memory blurs and i'm left with this warm bubbly feeling inside of me. epik till the death of me; 2:55 PM Thursday, September 17, 2009 i was checking the stats of my hit counter thats been there since nov 08'. maybe its because i don't talk about real life stuff, which means real life friends almost never come in, so the hits are only 11,200+. (though if you think about it another way, 10,000 (minus the 1000+ real life friends) that i don't know have read this is a year :DDD) so i get an average of 20 hits a day, of which 15 are new visitors. in mid june this year though, i had a sudden spike in hits, with around 700 hits a day, of which 634 are new visitors. no idea why the sudden visitor spike happened, since june was a really boring month. december got a lot of hits too, but maybe because its the holidays. :D epik till the death of me; 10:35 PM Wednesday, September 16, 2009 I NEED TO BUY [e]. not the drug, the album, but it might as well be, since epik high- my ecstasy. epik till the death of me; 8:35 PM
► damn it, i want to WRITE, but it's not working, yeah? Love is, 내 삶의 가장 큰 Business. The weather is unnaturally cold and you wrap the scarf around you tighter and stuff your mitten-clad hands into your pockets. It’s easy to amuse and distract yourself by blowing mist into the emptiness before you but your eyes keep drifting over to the door of the cafe and your ears are ready to detect the tinkling of the bell hanging over the door. A young boy skips past you, a leash tangled in one hand. The dog sniffs at you and you offer it your hand. "She doesn't bite," the boy flashes you a smile and lets you have your fill before walking away. When you turn your attention away from the hyperactive canine, you realize a familiar figure is already in front of you, book tucked under his arms, earphones snugly hidden under tousled black hair. Your reaction is almost automatic and your feet break into a run. You skid to a stop a few feet away from him and slow down your steps before you approach him, not wanting him to know you ran. To see him. "Hey." He pauses and turns around, a few strands of hair escaping free in the process, sweeping across his sculpted face. His hand brushes them back into place. "You," he says, delight and amusement detectable in his tone. He makes it sound like he's a 10 year old child and you're his new toy. You don't even mind. "Me," you echo, drawing in ragged, heavy breaths, chest heaving up and down. If he knows you've been running -and how could he not, with your shallow breathing and flushed face-, he doesn't show it. "Hyukjae." Not a question, but a statement. You feel little snippets of joy blossoming somewhere in you because he remembered your name but you push it down. You have pride; you have to stop sounding like a lovesick little- "You remember," you trill, words leaving your mouth before it registers in your head. "Yes, I do." He smiles at you and you smile at him and it’s an almost awkward silence until he speaks in a rather formal kind of way, "Well, Hyukjae, I'm about to go in for a drink. Care to join me?" You don't even answer; you're already pushing open the door. epik till the death of me; 3:17 PM Sunday, September 13, 2009 i like to think a lot and then write detailed essay-like things about everything in my life. almost like a biography, but its meant to let me know myself better improve my writing improve my observation skills. doing this helps me be clear about my life and it helps me to organize my thoughts and feelings. i have a million of these things everywhere, from posts in this blog or livejournal to various scribblings on the numerous notebooks i have lying around. for example, i now know i am amaZingly lucky. i grew up perfectly happy in the kind of families you read about in books- healthy, no bickering, comfortable income. i didn't know what dysfunctional meant until later on when i saw the people around me, and then i truly realized that i am extremely lucky. i am given an extraordinary amount of trust and freedom. i can go out anytime i want as long as i tell my mom where i'm going to be. my mom okays all of my fangirling trips, from fansignings to concerts to airport stalking, on the condition that it isn't her who drives me to all these events. staying overnight in the city with just a few friends? fine. going to singapore with another underage friend? fine. you're only young once, she tells me. she's the one that encouraged me to tag along with my friend to stalk dbsk at the airport, because she's not the one that has to drive me there. i can also skip school whenever i want, provided that it isn't too frequent. she's even fine with me drinking because she knows i exercise good self control. its not like i'm glugging down 6 beers at once. once a month or maybe more, we pop open a bottle of red wine or each grab a small bottle of vodka and drink to a movie. and most of the time, i'm the one stuck finishing the remaining drinks because i'm the best drinker in the house. (my brother is probably better; i wouldn't really know, he's in america, milking fun out of life to every drop) i can do all that, and some of the other parents won't even let their kids watch a movie without adults. when i tell people this, it sounds like i'm a spoilt wild child, never returning home and spending time at clubs. on the contrary, i've been accused of being an omchinddal too often. omchinddal is a korean abbreviation for mother's friend's daughter. you know how your mom always compares you to her friend's kid who's always getting good grades and polite and active? yeah, the kid's a omchinddal right there. sounds like blatant narcissism, but hey, its the truth. (okay, maybe mixed with a little narcissim) i'm given all the freedom i want and i don't use it to my advantage. i guess the more you restrict someone, the more he rebels. Labels: rant. epik till the death of me; 9:18 PM
► rl friends: are you sure its a bright idea for me to sing? i can make glass shatter. (by swiping it of the table but nonetheless, still making it shatter.) and about the jaydrama: seriously now. hottests, sweeties. i know you're hating on jyp and all, but GIVING UP A CHANCE TO HOLIDAY WITH NICKHUN? RETURNING 1000 ALBUMS? that. is just plain silly. by saving one kid, you're hurting the rest. but since you're holding ELFs as your role model, sure, go ahead, the next thing to do is to buy jyp stocks. and why not go one step further and post an advertisement like cassiopeia did? 2pm are humans too >:| yes/yes? :D i browsed through 2pm/shinee's predebut pics and gah. i would POUNCE on junho anytime. taemin WAS adorable, but he's not now. so that means i choose 9 year old taemin over (legal) 16 year old taemin. if i wasn't his age, it would just cement my status as a pedo. epik till the death of me; 4:53 PM Friday, September 11, 2009 just wanted to do a short song rec, specifically songs that the younger batch of stars have covered. anything that has been covered repeatedly can't be bad right? (the asterisks * are the links to the vids) 노을 - 인연 (noel- ties) god this song is so wonderfully perfect. its brilliant. * 2pm doing a cover of it. pkay performance. i HIGHLY recommend this. 이적- 다행이다 (leejuk- its fortunate) this song is the CLASSIC LOVE SONG. everyone loves this song. covered by hyunjoong, k.will,wooyoung, eunteuk * kwill's is the closest to the original (and uh, obviously the best singer) G.O.D - 촛불하나 (one candle) * a lightly remixed 04'performance by G.O.D themselves. this is a nice remix, but nothing beats the original. 2am and 2pm has covered this. 임재범- 고해 (im jaebum- gohae) the original singer's voice is really scratchy and hoarse but its soothing anyway. a million people have sang this: lee seunggi, gongyoo, eeteuk & eunhyuk, sg wannabe, mc the max, tei... * kim jinho from sg wannabe's version is really heartfelt 정엽(jeongyeob)- nothing better jonghyun from shinee, seulong from 2am, nickhun and a few other stars have sang this. * nickhun singing it :D 체리필터- 낭만고양이 (cherry filter- romantic cat) this. i know this song by heart, but its really hard to sing. great song to rock out. performed by younha, taeyeon, ft isalnd, sungmin and sooyoung * davichi probably pulled it off the best, thought they were a little noisy in the intro 바이브 – 사진을 보다가 (vibe- looking at a picture) yesung, ryeowook, youngsaeng have each sung this a few times. * youngsaeng's version. yesung's version was awesome, but i like this too :D TAKE- Butterfly Grave i think only eunhyuk, yesung, sungmin and eeteuk have covered this, but its a beautiful song, so here goes, * okay, they did a pretty crappy job but its a great song! Labels: song rec epik till the death of me; 2:21 PM Thursday, September 10, 2009 wank memes: its like watching a cheesy horror flick- painful to look at, but impossible to tear your eyes away. reading wank kinda makes me feel funny, like i-ate-something-wrong-ho-shit-i'm-gonna-hurl funny. but really, why can't i stop? damn. thats how i spent my night.and yeah, hey jay, you might wanna start asking your fans to stop defacing public property? idk, go hey kids, i'm going to take a break now because i'm sick of all you guys (well, not all of you but just a few of you. i see you guys >:|) asking me to kill myself and i know you love me (loves you too *hugs*) but i think i'll chill out at home with my family who won't pick me apart for everything i do for the moment. or something less gay. just so we'll stop being hysterical. plzntq. epik till the death of me; 9:17 PM Tuesday, September 08, 2009 so i'm pissed. and sad. and shocked. and crushed and in disbelief and all these other emotions rolled into one dangerous bundle. fuck y'all, antis. get a life. have pitiful social lives and can't get laid? take it out on someone else, you no lifers. ts just one bad news after another. but this time i'm taking it way worse than tablo's (my obsession for two years) marriage. its effecting me more than it really should. but god, i'm so SAD. ;A; JAY CAN'T FUCKING LEAVE. jaebum, jay and wooyoung are trending topics on twitter. thats insane. epik till the death of me; 5:04 PM Saturday, September 05, 2009 tablo's getting married D: and having a child. see, i freaked out a little just now but i'm all cool now. really. we've known this day would come since they started dating and i foresaw this a few days ago. tablo twittered that he had good news a few days ago and i twittered back "does good news include marriage?" AND IT DOES. who knew it included a child? D: see, this is the importance of protection :| srsly now, tablo and babies? do you really think that'll work? xD remember that pic of blo with baby and he's all like, shit what do i do now? Labels: tablo epik till the death of me; 6:34 PM Thursday, September 03, 2009 just came back from the autograph session!
i got jungmin's signature. anyway, by far the most organized fansigning i've been to, and i've been to quite a few. the only drawback was that we could see them only for an extremely short while. i only had a glimpse of hyungjoon and i didn't even see youngsaeng. i got there two hours early (normally i go even earlier, but sis had college) and obviously, i had underestimated the number of fans. there were already at least 500 people ahead of me. luckily, i chatted a few lines with someone the night before and got her hp no so she offered to buy my album (stupid cheap taiwanese edition and so expensive too!). still don't know her, but i love her so much, really. this is the first fansigning i've been to that started before the scheduled time. which means EARLY. thats amazing. fansignings are never on time, much less early. it was extremely controlled. we queued up to enter the hotel hall, and in the hall we queued some more to enter the room and in that room immediately we chose the line of the boy we wanted. we didn't have a chance to look at anyone else other than the boy we chose. all in all, once the session started, it only took around 20 minutes for me to be done. efficient :D
the last girl barely got off the stage and i was already right in front, beaming at jungmin. you know how celebs have beautiful skin and lovely hair? yeah, so does he. just, gah, his hair was cropped into a straight line and it looked so fluffy under his hat <33 after he greeted me, i said in korean, "oppa, i'm a big fan of yours. can i have a hug too?" late i found out that only jungmin bothered to interact much with fans. the others did shake hands, but some didn't even write the names of the fans or reply. see, the boys i like are never bad :D here's an extremely unflattering pic of me sweaty from waiting and fangirling lol. 
Labels: fan account epik till the death of me; 9:46 PM Wednesday, September 02, 2009 SS501. salkdlksa OMG OMGOMG so freaking excited. dying dying. omg (overused that haha) how am i going to settle down now? I CAN'T MISS ANOTHER KPOPPER NO NO NO. not after 2am. (JINWOON AH ILU~) but i'm worried. what if i get there too late? cause i don't know what time sis gets off. if i had it my way, i'll be airport stalking. DAMN IT. SHOULD'vE RELEASED THE NEWS EARLIER. I HATE YOU. (but i also love you so much for bringin them ahhahahaha) if i miss this i'm going to cry and whine for the next 80 years so you better pray for me if you don't want your ear to fall off D: epik till the death of me; 6:13 PM
► can't find some paper. i need to write these down before it disappears.♫ "hyung i think its time for a break. you've been at it for hours," kibum says, frowning as he places a gentle hand on donghae's shoulders, trying to shake his hyung out of this phase he's been for -a quick glance at the clock hanging on the wall- four hours now. donghae takes the pen he's nibbling out of his mouth and mumbles, voice raspy from not enough water and too little speech, "just let me finish this. a little more." he doesn't look at kibum, just focuses on his drawing pad, hands moving furiously across paper as he painstakingly shades in the wings, feather by feather. donghae seems to be drawing just for the sake of drawing, judging from the way he discards his finished drawings everywhere, papers covered with coffee stains left over from countless mugs of coffee. kibum picks up a drawing and fingers the crisp paper. its his usual subject- angels. brilliant, glowing, magnificent with white wings and flowing gowns. angelic, cherub faces and innocent grins. donghae reaches for his cup without looking up, fingers blindly reaching around, making several of papers spread across the table flutter to the ground. wordlessly, kibum takes the cup and presses it into donghae's hand. not a single thanks is uttered, but he's used to it by now. donghae's been like this since his father- well, he doesn't like to talk about it. it explains his obsession with angels but kibum wishes he'd snap out of it soon. he misses the loud chattering about aliens and puppies and the way leaves turn yelloworangebrown in autumn. he misses the bouncing around brought on by a seemingly permanant sugar high. he misses- "donghae." donghae finally looks up, making kibum's breath catch in his throat at the sight of those long lashes framing his inky eyes. voice void of emotion, he whispers, "perfection. they are the closest thing to perfection there is." ♫ "this sucks," junsu announces as he counts the bills in his hands, their share of the pay for dancing at the opening of a new mall. it isn't much. he giggles and jokes, "really now, ever thought of becoming a stripper? heard it pays well. maybe you'll have to buff up a little, okay, a lot, but i'm sure someone out there likes skinny monkey boys." hyukjae sighs but a smile tugs at his lips. "money cannot buy happiness but it pays for cable tv." the train arrives, sliding smoothly into place. its late. snagging a place is easy. hyukjae notices the words before he sees him. he sees the messy words scribbled across the lines of the notebook and squints to make out the scrawls. this is love, isn’t it?hmm, interesting, he thinks. he looks up to see who the owner of the notebook is- and finds the prettiest boy he's ever seen. ♫ :D now that i've written it down i feel better. i'm finally writing again! haven't written in ages. will complete this some other day. Labels: wordspit. epik till the death of me; 3:21 PM Tuesday, September 01, 2009 love triangles should mean boy likes girl, girl likes boy, boy likes boy. thats the only way you get a complete triangle. if its like all those love triangles in the show where two boys like a girl that makes it this: > does that look like a triangle to you? maybe you never attended the math class that taught you this: a triangle has three sides. i'm just saying :D epik till the death of me; 10:10 PM |
