|
About Me  jiaqian → fangirl. insane. beware. → am a little twisted, and a lot disturbing, but once you look past the insaneness, i'm quite interesting. → this is a mostly a place for me to wax horrible poetry and post cryptic rants that no one will understand but of late it has evolved into yet another angsty diary. but the last time i checked, that's what blogs are for. →also, lots of typos since i'm normally high (on life, not crack!), tipsy or depressed when i write my posts. seriously. → profanity galore. honest raw emotions. are you squirmy when it comes to emotions? → slightly unhinged. dancing on the edge yet in control. perfection is overrated. The likes ♥
kpop. k-indie. k-hiphop. uljjangs. k-models. the boy in header: model kang cheolwoong Links
my fic journalflavors Friends
Amanda/Pei Yun Chy Yun Debbie Euwing Gabby Jia Ying Jinzhi Muayyad Nadiah PhuiYee, Yeevon Samantha Seayunn Siauthung Yiwen YiLin Yishuen The others
Credits Layout design by Eefennie. edited by mua. | Saturday, October 29, 2011 my boobs hurt. they really really do. my back is sore. it's going to break any second now. my head hurt so much yesterday i had to resist the urge to smash my head into the wall. i feel like crap, and think that i'm as worthless as a pile of that stuff. as you can obviously tell, that's the crankiness and mood swings talking. i want to die. fuck you hormones. i feel like getting birth control pills just to control my hormones. i pms so severely. hey future, kid, you better appreciate all the shit i'm going through just to have you. epik till the death of me; 12:02 AM Tuesday, October 18, 2011 something happened today, and it once again reinforced the realization that everyone isn't as perfect as they seem on the surface. of course i knew that people are weak, and life is fucked up, but somehow i grew up thinking that it only happened to someone else, someone not around me. it was only recently that the rose-tinted glasses broke into pieces and suddenly i saw the cracks in the picture. everyone is way more messed up than i thought they were. and so, this is what i would like to say to myself. hey, you did a great job. congratulations on not messing up majorly in your life. that was a genuine compliment. for years you've been that good girl that has performed well in studies and played by the rules. you may deny it all you want, but face it, that's all you ever want to be right? you say you want to party but in reality you hate the throbbing music, you don't dance, and drinks are ridiculously overpriced. you can never ignore your studies, because you have a standard set for yourself, and your pride is at stake, even if you have no one to prove except for yourself. so relax. embrace yourself. i'm glad you're finally settling into your skin. i'm glad you're making a conscious effort to stop becoming someone you're not. honestly i'm proud of you. you've gone a long way from that depressed teenager. i'm so relieved that you've left the thoughts of self mutilation behind, and also extremely relieved that even when the evil thoughts plagued you, you loved yourself enough to push them away. i'm proud that you knew that you were in a downward spiral of destruction, and had enough strength to pull yourself out of it. keeping a positive outlook on life is sososo important. i'm glad you're happy. i really hope that you can continue to feel this way. life is wonderful, isn't it? you've made it past high school and you're now nearing the end of teenagedom. you're doing well in the subjects you chose, and in 5 months you'll be enrolled in the course that you know you'll like, and have the confidence to do well in. as cliche as it may sound, the world is really your oyster. you're a fledging just spreading her wings, so never ever let anyone clip your dreams. just keep charging forward, and remember that mistakes are the only chance you get to rebel against your otherwise orderly life. and lastly, thank you ♥ Labels: note to self epik till the death of me; 10:39 PM
► discussion. i have a lot of opinions on religion, freedom of speech, and freedom of choice. but how do i express them in a way that will not offend someone, or even land me in jail? you can't. these are taboo topics never to be touched. and aren't there enough people offering their own conflicting views on the internet? why should i add to the messy discussion? because i want to. because sometimes, i can offer some intelligent conversation up to the table, and because i have been thinking these topics through and through. but... would it be better to write out these opinions in private, and let them remain private for life? they say that you should never confuse education with intelligence, and how can i prove to the world that i possess the latter, if not so much the former? i really hope no one thinks of me as a ditz, because i'm not one. i hope. epik till the death of me; 11:07 AM Sunday, October 09, 2011 → my cousin just dropped by to personally deliver an invitation to his wedding. he's my favourite cousin. you all have one right? that male cousin that's always so cool, good looking and perfect, funny and polite to boot. he brought his wife-to-be and i can see why they fell in love. she's pretty in that girl-next-door way, with a beautiful smile and an approachable demeanor. → i dyed my hair about 2 weeks ago. you can't quite see it in pictures, but it has settled into a nice auburn. the colour now is much more obvious than this pic, but i don't really like taking pictures, so no new pics! 
→ i iz inspirit nao n_____nepik till the death of me; 4:31 PM |